This evening I went to the funeral of a young man I considered a friend. 36 years old. Killed himself. Had one disappointment too many. Nobody there to talk him out of it. The end. When I knelt at the altar in front of the box that held his ashes surrounded by photos of him alive and young and handsome, that up-to-no-good- gleam in his eye in the pictures..I thought 'now what the fuck did you go an do this for?' I wanted to shake him and yell at him and scold him like a mother. But.
You all know that saying "Nobody likes a smart-ass"? Well, it does not apply to yours truly. I adore smart-asses and he was quite the one. But..I like smart-asses who are genuine and really nice to the core; that was him. He was the total package in that way.
The place his service was held was packed with people who liked him, loved him, and whose lives he touched. Which is ironic because he was always trying to leave Cleveland for some supposed greener pasture. I guess he didn't realize how 'green' he had it here. I'm not sure if it would have made a difference but I wish I would have been able to tell him before it was too late. I'm sure I'm just one member of a big club of people that feel the same.
Regardless, I just have to say how glad I am to have known him. Everybody has an impact on those around them whether they realize it or not. And most of the time we are all the better for it. I think that is something we all need to think about during these weirdly dysfunctional times.
Nothing political tonight kids, just saying farewell to a friend. This song is dedicated to him, the only person under 60 I knew that loved Neil Diamond:
Sweet Caroline
Where it began,I can't begin to knowin' But then I know it's growing strong
Was in the spring And spring became the summer
Who'd have believed you'd come along.
Hands, touchin' hands Reachin' out, touchin' me touchin' you
Sweet Caroline Good times never seemed so good
I've been inclined To believe they never would
But now I, look at the night And it don't seem so lonely
We fill it up with only two.
And when I hurt,Hurtin' runs off my shoulders
How can I hurt when I'm with you
Warm, touchin' warm Reachin' out, touchin' me touchin' you
Sweet Caroline Good times never seemed so good
I've been inclined,To believe they never would
Oh, no, no Sweet Caroline
Good times never seemed so good
Sweet Caroline, I believe they never could.. Sweet Caroline........
Goodbye friend. You will be missed.
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2 comments:
Several days ago I learned that a friend committed suicide. Why? Couldn't he have asked for help?
YK,
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't answer exactly why people who commit suicide don't ask for help. I think some do but we don't recognize it, especially when it is someone you don't live with.
Many people go undiagnosed for bi-polar aka manic/depressision which is a mental illness with a very high suicide rate. Mental illness is still a major stigma for those who suffer from it in our society. So, folks don't ask for help. Too proud, embarrassed.
Then there are people who kill themselves over money problems, one of the oldest reasons. Pride and fear of everyone thinking you are a failure is why they don't ask for help. Just about the same reason as I stated above.
Maybe it's our egos, while necessary on many levels for us to function,that also prevent us from getting help when we need it. But then again, our egos also cause us to be so judgemental of others instituting all sorts of shame both bad and good. A vicious cycle to be sure.
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