Thursday, July 26, 2007

Start With The Utensils, Follow Up With The Plate And Finish With The Napkin: How To Set A Table

Every day we learn more and more about the Bush administration that makes my head spin and my stomach churn. I'm dizzy with disgust. And every day I curse Nancy Pelosi for flat out refusing to set the impeachment table for a nation starving to see the integrity of their government restored. She claims it will be too hard on the nation (aka it will hurt Democratic prospects in 2008). She claims that Congress has more important things to accomplish. Yeah, like the GOP is ever gonna let that happen.

What could be more important than preserving the Constitution? Without our Constitution, we don't have a democracy. Is the farm subsidy bill more important than democracy? What good is a minimum wage when your president fancies himself a dictator? For that matter, what good is a Congress when the president fancies himself a dictator?

Personal note to Nancy Pelosi: it really isn't hard to set the table for impeachment; take it from the youngest of four who had to set the table every day of her life until she moved out of her parent's house after college. Heck, come to think of it, I still do it so I've got several decades of experience in this field. First you start with the utensils (Gonzales), move on to the plate (Cheney) and finish with the napkin (Bush).

Alberto Gonzales is the instrument Cheney and Bush have used to implement much of their anti-constitutional policies. The FBI Patriot Act violations, the NSA Warrantless Domestic Spying Program, torture and rendition, and the politicization of the Justice Department in an effort to weed out state prosecutors that refused to participate in the RNC campaign to disenfranchise voters represent the few agregious policies the public and Congress are privy to. Who knows what else he has done for his dinner companions? This week, Alberto Gonzales was finally unveiled as the forking liar we all knew he was. He's committed perjury in an effort to obstruct the congressional investigation into the NSA program and attorney firing scandal. Ms. Pelosi, it is now time to place Alberto Gonzales, the utensil Cheney and Bush have been using to cut up, chew on and spit out The Constitution with, on the impeachment table.

Next, we have Cheney (rhymes with meany), aka The Plate. He's declared himself a governmental branch unto himself. He refuses to comply with the Presidential Records Act and allow Congress access to visitor logs and non-national security related communications. To this day he continues to spread the Osama/Sadaam connection lie that fooled our nation into preemptive war. Practically every unconstitutional, unseemly, and probably criminal act committed by the Bush Administration can be placed upon Cheney and his office.

Finally, every nicely set table needs a napkin. One that can be folded into a pleasant shape to fit the table's aesthetic. In George Bush's case, that shape would be a watefowl. If you think a Bush without Gonzales would be a lame duck, just imagine him without Cheney. When people finish a meal, they'll often cover the leftovers on the plate with their napkin. Bush has provided cover for Cheney's activities like a champ. He's the Decider (suuuuure he is), The Commander Guy, and can wield a bull-horn while wearing a cod-piece better than any other draft dodging C-student recovering cokehead alchy I've ever seen. Another function of napkins is wiping your hands clean; as Bush has done in commuting the sentence of convicted perjurer Scooter 'The Shrimp Fork' Libby. He's wiped clean any potential evidence connecting himself or The Plate to the conspiracy to violate the Intelligence Identities Protection Act as an act of political retribution.

So Nancy, if you place the utensils and plate upon the table, George Bush will twist into the lamest of duck shaped napkins just in time to plop him down for a finished setting. Only then will Americans finally feel secure enough with their government to take their seats at the table and help you accomplish all those wonderful things you talk about. But if you leave the table leave the country hungry and that is not going to do your party any favors.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Glimpses Into The Republican Soul or Why I Could Never Be A Conservative

Every time I ponder the Republicans in office, on television or radio, I think: "These cold-hearted sonsabitches cannot be for real! No freaking way can anybody really be this crazy, devoid of conscience, hypocritical and just plain mean! They're like super-villains from Bond flicks!" And at every turn they keep proving me wrong, they really are that bad.

Tucker Carlson's constant attacks on Barak Obama, calling him a 'pothead' and a 'wimp' for talking about empathy are dumb-founding. I know for a fact that I can kick the snot out of Carlson, bow-tie or no bow-tie, so I imagine Barak doesn't need to take Carlson's pseudo-bravado very seriously. Still, it is evidence of the Republican persona pathology: empathy is weak, indifference is admirable.

This week Bush's former Surgeon General, Richard Carmona, testified that he was told not to attend The Special Olympics because the Kennedy's support that organization. Specifically Carmona was asked by a senior official "Why would you want to help those people?" By those people I'm not sure whether the official meant The Kennedy's or kids with Down Syndrome. I'm guessing both.

Condi Rice tells actor Don Cheadle to get off her back about Darfur. Gawd, liberals are such whiners 'Help those refugees being murdered this and help those poor Sudanese women being raped that'. Don't they understand that Condi has to get ready for the Hairspray premiere?

Married Senator "Sanctity of Marriage" Vitter likes his hookers to put him in Huggies and according to The Washington Madam, most of her Family Values Republican customers 'likey the spanky'. No pithy smarmy observational remark necessary.

Bush's new Surgeon General Nomine believes gay people are diseased. He, however, has no position on freaky-ass Republican Senators visiting hookers for hot diaper duty.

Speaking of gay people or rather men on the 'down low'; a Republican state rep famous for sponsoring legislation related to lewd lascivious acts, indecent exposure, and sexual solicitaion was arrested for asking a cop for a $20.00 blow-job.

Rick 'Santorum' Santorum expressed his hope that the U.S. suffers another terrorist attack to shut up the anti-war movement. A sentiment previously expressed by the head of the Arkansas Republican Party. And folks wonder why some tin-foil-hatters believe 9/11 was planned by the Neocons in the Bush Administration. These sick bastards want American civilians to die hideous violent deaths at the hands of terrorists just to gain some political capital.

Fox News host Neil Cavuto believes that guaranteeing all Americans get affordable health care will embolden the terrorists. He has no opinion however on former GOP Senator's begging Al Qaeda to take us all out.

Joe 'We Really Are Winning In Iraq' Lieberman managed to maneuver a bill that tells Congress it cannot stop Bush from going to war with Iran for any reason. Is Lieberman Cheney's long-lost half-brother or something? What sort of delusional jackass with a death wish would take on Iran when we are bogged down in two other Middle-Eastern Country? My only consolation that Al Gore didn't win in 2000, is that Joe Lieberman would be the Democratic POTUS nominee in 2008.

Then there's Georgie Porgy Puddin & Pie who thinks it's cool to make the little girls cry, the man is insane and substituting 'belief' and 'gut-feelings' for intelligence, diplomacy and strategy. Excerpts from his speech here in The Cleve this week (h/t Slate Magazine, Fred Kaplan):

"We can accomplish and win this fight in Iraq," Bush said at one point in the
speech. "I strongly believe we will prevail … that democracy will trump
totalitarianism every time," he said later, as if the war in Iraq is somehow
about democracy and totalitarianism.

"I wouldn't ask a mother or a dad" to send a son or daughter to this war
"if I didn't feel this is necessary to the security of the United States and the
peace of the world."

Are you kidding me? Bush's strategy is to believe in democracy over totalitariansim? He bases his decisions on whether or not to send our loved ones into war on his feelings? What's the deal Dubya? Did Jebby break your Magic 8 Ball or hide your Ouija Board? Is that why you now have only your belief and feelings to rely on for Decideratin?

As much as the Democratic Party is driving me up a freaking wall with their hollow threats of neutered oversight of the Bush Administration and even though if I wish I could find Senator Ben Nelson and kick him in the balls with my pointiest pair of pumps.......I could never ever ever claim to be on the same political side as the infamous cast of GOP characters I've talked about today in this post.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Rebel Rebel Your Country's A Mess

On July 4th Eve, I watched Keith Olbermann deliver his latest 'Special Comment' and by the time he wrapped up his passionate verbal essay asking George Bush and Dick Cheney to resign, I had a few tears running down my face. I expect to hear such a rebellious message from a jock on Air America or to read it in The Nation or Mother Jones, but never did I think I'd see it on television. Why is that?

I think back to the Nineties when we endured congressfolk and pundits demanding the impeachment of Bill Clinton 24/7 for two and a half years. Clinton couldn't get jock itch without Ken Starr launching an investigation. Both Democrats and Republicans howled in hypocritical faux moral outrage that 'The Presidency' had been irreparably harmed by an act of infidelity inside the hallowed halls of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

I'm too young to remember the Watergate years but from recalling my history lessons, the newsmen of that time did not hold back on reporting the facts or criticizing the President's actions during A Time of War (or a Time of Police Action whichever you prefer). It was the Republicans in his own administration and Congress that finally said 'ENOUGH!'. And, as Keith pointed out in his July 3rd Special Comment, even Nixon had enough integrity left in his megalomaniacal soul to resign his office for the good of the nation.

These days, the punditry make excuses for Scooter Libby's role in outing a CIA agent to them and Bush's decision to commute his sentence. When they couldn't successfully convince us Ms. Plame was "just a secretary", they pouted indignantly that there was 'no underlying crime' to Libby's perjury and obstruction of justice conviction.

Am I missing something here? What was Bill Clinton's 'underlying crime'? Cheating on his wife? Last time I checked, adultery is not a felony, because if it were then Newt Gingerich would have been wearing an orange jumpsuit with an Irish Spring necklace for the last two decades instead of contemplating a run for the White House. Heck, Fred Thomspon and Rudy Giuliani would be on his cell block.

I'm not sure why Mr. Olbermann's essay drove me to tears that day. Was it because I fear our democracy is dead? Was it because I knew that on July 5th the locksteppers on Fox, CNN, and the other shows on his own network are going to demand HIS resignation for speaking truth to power by demanding the removal of Bush and Cheney from office? Or maybe I realized the next day was supposed to be the celebration of the birth of our democracy and maybe a mere 600,000 of us even saw Keith Olbermann's clarion call to save it, while the rest of the 299,400,000 of us were out drinking, watching reality show reruns or shopping for hotdogs and fireworks.

So I cried for all those reasons (well that and maybe PMS played a little part) but after I dried my tears I had an epiphany (or a hormonal mood swing if you will): July 4th 1776 was not the day The Revolution ended and our democracy was born, it was the day The Revolution began. Our flag does not represent a nation, it represents a rebellion. Our Constitution is not just a document of laws, it is a roadmap towards an ideal form of government that is sure as hell going to take more than 231 years to realize. And, it gave us the tools to right our path when it wandered away from the destination of liberty and justice for all.

So on July 4th, instead of refusing to fly my flag as a signal of disgust for the criminals steering our nation towards a path of destruction as I had planned, I decided to fly it proudly. It's not theirs to twist into some sick symbol of fear induced obeiscence. It's ours and it will always represent the rebellion that created our nation in the first place.

And after I hung my flag, I went back inside and turned on my laptop. I went to both the House ( and Senate ( websites, found my representatives of BOTH political parties and sent them e-mails asking that they begin impeachment proceedings against George Bush, Dick Cheney and Alberto Gonzales. On Monday, each office will also receive a phone call from me demanding the same. I'll wait a few days and do it all over again and again and again.

Then I wrote MSNBC a note supporting Mr. Olbermann's July 3rd Special Comment and forwarded the video clip to friends and family with a message asking them to do the same.

Of course taking the time to contact my representatives, forwarding the video clip of Olbermann's Special Comment and writing a note supporting him to MSNBC may not be as dramatic or violent as what our forefathers endured to win independence or what those who fought for abolition, civil and workers rights sacrificed.

But I am reminded of the words of two brilliant rebellious Americans. The first being Thomas Jefferson who once wrote: "Every generation needs a new revolution." and another named George Orwell who once wrote: "At times of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act".

Maybe it's a stretch to imply that contacting your representatives, spreading the news to your family and friends or writing a network in support of an anchor are revolutionary acts but if we don't act now, someday they might be.