You Want The Truth? You Can't Handle The..Hoohaa!

When I think of my mom I think of a woman who was honest and frank which served all of the people in her life well. She didn't hide anything or make up silly names to hide the facts even if it made her uncomfortable. She would not have tried to protect me from something as important as proper vocabulary. Alas, not all are so fortunate.

For example...say one is driving down the street with their child or grandchild in a car and said child sees the word 'vagina' on a billboard advertising a charity benefit with a showing of the play The Vagina Monologues. If the child then asks 'What is a vagina'? ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION! Do not pitch a hissy forcing the theater owner to change the word on the marquee to some demeaning immature nickname because the kid is just going ask 'What is a hoohaa?' instead of 'What is a vagina?'. So, irregardless, you're going to have to answer the damn question. And, who in their right mind would take any adult seriously that believes one term for a part of a woman's reproductive system is some sing-songy word like hoohaa?

If they do not learn the proper term or you act like a freaked out prude about it..that child will one day be a middle-aged adult that is deathly afraid of vaginas and has yet to graduate from a drinking vessel past the sippy-cup. In other words: single, no job, no grandkids, living in your basement, sucking well vodka from a sippy cup, clad in dirty underwear, and feverishly typing hate-filled rhetoric on the Free Republic. Get the picture? So, you can either swallow your embarrassment and tell the kid what a vagina is...or your legacy will be 'I Raised A Unabomber'. Folks, there are consequences for avoiding truth.

This week our House of Representatives is debating the Iraq Occupation and we learned of a word that the Republic Party finds even scarier than vagina and that word is Iraq. Ironically, overly tanned and tearful Republics while afraid of facing the truth in Iraq are not at all frightened of the word 'terror' or accusing 70% of the nation's citizenry of supporting it. A wave of irrational fear has gripped all Goofy Obnoxious Partisans. Rep. Virgil Goode (R-Damn I Wished I Thought of Callin Them 'Macaca' First) is really really ascairt of Muslims because he fears they may vandalize the sancrosanct symbol of our nation- our currency. Red State House Rep Todd Akin (R-The Show-Me What A Dumbass I Am State) expressed his fear for Davy Crockett's lack of Congressional support. Republic water-schluppers are so afraid of black people that the mere thought of one becoming president puts them in denial.

While The Avoider In Chief may not appear to be afraid of the truth, he in fact is so afraid of it that he's created his own parallel dimension where the truth is what he says it is, it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks and no official record of his words are kept: " Iraq? Why I think we're doin a heckuva job! And without a doubt them Ahranians (Shia) supply them bombs to the insurgents (Sunni) killing our soldiers and not the Ahraqi Shia militias! Doesn't make a lick of sense to me either but hey, go figure! Sure that 'evidence' my military fellas gave the press might look a little sketchy, but I'm tellin ya that writin on them bombs is a special Ahranian dialect that just looks like it's somethin else-ya see, it's all in the pronunciation which as you all know is somethin I know a little about. Heh heh heh heh."

The consequences of the Republics' Party truth avoidance has been more costly than the havoc wrought by Ted Kaczinski. Global climate change threatens our very existence. 3,133 American soldiers dead. Nearly 700,000 Iraqis dead. Tens of thousands maimed and/or mentally destroyed. Billions in wasted taxpayer money. A massive debt to authoritarian regimes like China and Saudi Arabia that American children who are now deemed by some too young to understand the word vagina, will end up paying as adults.

A great American president understood that fear and truth if manipulated presented the greatest danger to our freedom than any physical threat could. I don't know about you but I'm tired of those who fear the truth and use fear to distort the truth . The consequences are never paid by those who use the fear but instead by those who are manipulated by it.

It's been said that 'the truth shall set us free' but did you know that Drinking Liberally can set you free as well? No lie. Just join us all this Sunday at Sullivan's Irish Pub on Madison Avenue in Lakewood, Ohio for some truth, freedom, possibly some chicken wings or fish & chips and most definitely some frosty cool adult beverages. See you then!