Dear John

Dear John Q. Troop,

Hello, how are you? Uncle Dick said that Iraq is a roaring success so you must be doing fine! Hopefully we can keep those weakling 'Merka Haters who say otherwise from debating in the Senate so more of your brave brothers in arms can join you soon.

There have been some nasty rumors lately but we both know that lefty liberal mediacrats are behind them. Thank Jaysus you only get good old Rush Limbaugh on the radio there. Can you believe that they are saying you guys shouldn't be forced to take that anthrax vaccine just because it made a few whiners sick? Are those terrorist-emboldeners trying to aid Al Qaeda's evil plan to hurt the big-time 'Merkan profit margins of our pharmaceutical industry or what? Don't worry, we won't let them!

And don't pay any attention to those rumors spread by those Islamolovers that the Bush Administration isn't taking care of you when you come home too hurt to fight for our freedom! Geez! A little missing caulk and chipped paint should be no big deal to someone who's missing a leg or two. I mean, after all, you volunteered and everything.

John, I know you may think that we are leaving you in Iraq for another and that you may think we are more in love with the idea of you than actually in love with you. Sure it looks like we use you to keep those who want truth and accountability off our back. But, it's not like we use all of you to do that. To be honest (for once) John, you are becoming kind of needy. Can't you just come home and be quiet about your so-called problems? Do we have to actually support you with more than platitudes and yellow ribbon magnets? I mean after all, you did volunteer and everything.

We don't want to break up with you John, but if you aren't going to be there for our needs without thinking of your own...well, there are other fish in the sea.

Sincerely,

The Republican Party & Joe Lieberman