We've Got High Apple Pie In The Sky Hopes

Hello Liberal Drinkers,

I was in Florida this past week. The land of Disney (and Tasering Unruly Third Graders). And I had a run in with hope; because when things suck beyond belief even a jaded bitch like me realizes there really is only one other alternative to it. I struggle constantly with hope as many of you may have at times. Is it a waste of time? Does it make the inevitable harder to cope with? Are you fooling yourself? Maybe a miracle will happen. Maybe it won't. But then you realize..your hope is not only for your own peace of mind but for the one you hope for.

A couple of weeks ago I thought of doing some snarky Cleveland DL Year In Review for my first message to you in the New Year; an idea so unoriginal I subconsciously..nay.. literally mocked the shit out of myself for thinking of it. Who the 'eff am I to do a Year In Review? Or more aptly; Do I Want To Spend All That Goddamn Time Going Back Through 12 Months of Messages To Do One? So then...what do I do? What do I write to you all about?

I could eulogize Gerry 'Fuck The East Timorese' Ford or Sadaam 'Fredo' Hussein who was whacked before he was tried for his and our crimes against the Kurds to appease the Gambini..oops I mean..Saudi...oops I mean the Al Sadr Family. By clicking on these links; you know the world is completely fucked up when I actually agree with the perpetually schnockered potentially heterosexual perpetually insecure Christoper Hitchens. Message to CH: 'Alright you scruffy often repulsive, likely odiferous, libertarianeoconicalcholicsemipenised mook...that's enough press for you. A few bouts of sanity-laden prose does not earn you my love, this was strictly a four-link-stand.'

I could write about Dubya McOedipuscomplex who wants to send more troops to Iraq just to piss off the 78% of this nation who thinks he's a batshit impotent incompetent puppet of Satan. But, we've beaten that horse (much like Congress) to death haven't we? I don't know about you but in the next ten years I would like the words 'resolve' and 'steadfast' completely eliminated from the dictionary for at least five decades. Perfectly good words, made irrelevant by one man. What a pity.

But I digress. I really do want to impart that message of hope, in the sense of my hope for others. This coming year:

1.) I hope the Democrats have the stones to take their investigations 'off the table' and into impeachment hearings against George Bush and Dick Cheney.

2.) I hope Oprah Winfrey realizes that inner city American poor kids aren't all that psyched about school uniforms over video games because school uniforms are creepily Orwellian and reek of forced subservient conformity that South African children may not object to, but free-thinking individualistic creative American kids sure the fuck do.

3.) I hope that Dick Cheney has another accident with his shotgun...alone, while cleaning it and recording the video on his cell phone. In a related hope..I hope CNN shows the same restraint in airing the Dick Cheney Gun Cleaning Accident cell-phone video as it had the Sadaam-Hanging cell-phone video.

4.) I hope liberal radio stays on in Columbus. Word is a wildly popular ratings competitive station there is going to be switched back to 'Conservative Radio'. Write the station..tell them Laura Ingraham is NOT progressive. Be sure to include in your critique of the station turnover that Ingraham is a heartless 'See You Next Tuesday'.

5.) I hope the 'Mea Crappa' media crowd of Chris Matthews, Joe Scarborough, Andrew Sullivan et al really take a long fucking look in the mirror....they were sooo gunning for this Iraq debacle up until a year or so ago that they labeled anyone bright enough to question it 'un-American' in the most McCarthy sense of the term. They spent years disparaging large groups of American citizens and excusing the unlawful detainment and torture of American citizens; let alone a misguided view of the Geneva Conventions. Now they publicly say it was wrong? Their current mea culpas are more than a day late (give or take four years) and more than a dollar short (try nearly half a trillion). Welcome to the club boys...pardon us if we do not applaud your entrance. I hope you can stand in front of that mirror, knowing who you are. If I were you I could not.

6.) I hope Keith Olbermann wins an Emmy.

7.) I hope all of you have the best next year imaginable.

8.) I hope the Cleveland Indians change their mascot and win the World Series.

9.) I hope that we finally take steps to curb global warming....NOW.

10.) I hope every liberal minded social drinker in the Cleveland area decides to sign up and become a Cleveland Drinking Liberally member (it's for your own good, really).

And a last one for my mom.

11.) I hope you get to see my neice/your granddaughter Carly graduate from high school.

Hope is the theme for 2007. So tell Britney to put her skivvies back on, fire her publicist, hire a financial planner and become a Democrat. Tell the Republicans that Conservatism is as dead as shoulder-pads, Raygunism and Newt Gingerich's psychotic hate-babble. We are going to raise the minimum wage, our parents are going to be able to afford their prescriptions, we are going to fund stem-cell research, and....whether some Democrats like it or not..we are going to bring our troops home from Iraq. At least I hope so.

Liberally yours,

Judy