Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Glimpses Into The Republican Soul or Why I Could Never Be A Conservative

Every time I ponder the Republicans in office, on television or radio, I think: "These cold-hearted sonsabitches cannot be for real! No freaking way can anybody really be this crazy, devoid of conscience, hypocritical and just plain mean! They're like super-villains from Bond flicks!" And at every turn they keep proving me wrong, they really are that bad.

Tucker Carlson's constant attacks on Barak Obama, calling him a 'pothead' and a 'wimp' for talking about empathy are dumb-founding. I know for a fact that I can kick the snot out of Carlson, bow-tie or no bow-tie, so I imagine Barak doesn't need to take Carlson's pseudo-bravado very seriously. Still, it is evidence of the Republican persona pathology: empathy is weak, indifference is admirable.

This week Bush's former Surgeon General, Richard Carmona, testified that he was told not to attend The Special Olympics because the Kennedy's support that organization. Specifically Carmona was asked by a senior official "Why would you want to help those people?" By those people I'm not sure whether the official meant The Kennedy's or kids with Down Syndrome. I'm guessing both.


Condi Rice tells actor Don Cheadle to get off her back about Darfur. Gawd, liberals are such whiners 'Help those refugees being murdered this and help those poor Sudanese women being raped that'. Don't they understand that Condi has to get ready for the Hairspray premiere?

Married Senator "Sanctity of Marriage" Vitter likes his hookers to put him in Huggies and according to The Washington Madam, most of her Family Values Republican customers 'likey the spanky'. No pithy smarmy observational remark necessary.

Bush's new Surgeon General Nomine believes gay people are diseased. He, however, has no position on freaky-ass Republican Senators visiting hookers for hot diaper duty.

Speaking of gay people or rather men on the 'down low'; a Republican state rep famous for sponsoring legislation related to lewd lascivious acts, indecent exposure, and sexual solicitaion was arrested for asking a cop for a $20.00 blow-job.

Rick 'Santorum' Santorum expressed his hope that the U.S. suffers another terrorist attack to shut up the anti-war movement. A sentiment previously expressed by the head of the Arkansas Republican Party. And folks wonder why some tin-foil-hatters believe 9/11 was planned by the Neocons in the Bush Administration. These sick bastards want American civilians to die hideous violent deaths at the hands of terrorists just to gain some political capital.

Fox News host Neil Cavuto believes that guaranteeing all Americans get affordable health care will embolden the terrorists. He has no opinion however on former GOP Senator's begging Al Qaeda to take us all out.

Joe 'We Really Are Winning In Iraq' Lieberman managed to maneuver a bill that tells Congress it cannot stop Bush from going to war with Iran for any reason. Is Lieberman Cheney's long-lost half-brother or something? What sort of delusional jackass with a death wish would take on Iran when we are bogged down in two other Middle-Eastern Country? My only consolation that Al Gore didn't win in 2000, is that Joe Lieberman would be the Democratic POTUS nominee in 2008.

Then there's Georgie Porgy Puddin & Pie who thinks it's cool to make the little girls cry, the man is insane and substituting 'belief' and 'gut-feelings' for intelligence, diplomacy and strategy. Excerpts from his speech here in The Cleve this week (h/t Slate Magazine, Fred Kaplan):

"We can accomplish and win this fight in Iraq," Bush said at one point in the
speech. "I strongly believe we will prevail … that democracy will trump
totalitarianism every time," he said later, as if the war in Iraq is somehow
about democracy and totalitarianism.


"I wouldn't ask a mother or a dad" to send a son or daughter to this war
"if I didn't feel this is necessary to the security of the United States and the
peace of the world."

Are you kidding me? Bush's strategy is to believe in democracy over totalitariansim? He bases his decisions on whether or not to send our loved ones into war on his feelings? What's the deal Dubya? Did Jebby break your Magic 8 Ball or hide your Ouija Board? Is that why you now have only your belief and feelings to rely on for Decideratin?

As much as the Democratic Party is driving me up a freaking wall with their hollow threats of neutered oversight of the Bush Administration and even though if I wish I could find Senator Ben Nelson and kick him in the balls with my pointiest pair of pumps.......I could never ever ever claim to be on the same political side as the infamous cast of GOP characters I've talked about today in this post.

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