Start With The Utensils, Follow Up With The Plate And Finish With The Napkin: How To Set A Table

Every day we learn more and more about the Bush administration that makes my head spin and my stomach churn. I'm dizzy with disgust. And every day I curse Nancy Pelosi for flat out refusing to set the impeachment table for a nation starving to see the integrity of their government restored. She claims it will be too hard on the nation (aka it will hurt Democratic prospects in 2008). She claims that Congress has more important things to accomplish. Yeah, like the GOP is ever gonna let that happen.

What could be more important than preserving the Constitution? Without our Constitution, we don't have a democracy. Is the farm subsidy bill more important than democracy? What good is a minimum wage when your president fancies himself a dictator? For that matter, what good is a Congress when the president fancies himself a dictator?

Personal note to Nancy Pelosi: it really isn't hard to set the table for impeachment; take it from the youngest of four who had to set the table every day of her life until she moved out of her parent's house after college. Heck, come to think of it, I still do it so I've got several decades of experience in this field. First you start with the utensils (Gonzales), move on to the plate (Cheney) and finish with the napkin (Bush).

Alberto Gonzales is the instrument Cheney and Bush have used to implement much of their anti-constitutional policies. The FBI Patriot Act violations, the NSA Warrantless Domestic Spying Program, torture and rendition, and the politicization of the Justice Department in an effort to weed out state prosecutors that refused to participate in the RNC campaign to disenfranchise voters represent the few agregious policies the public and Congress are privy to. Who knows what else he has done for his dinner companions? This week, Alberto Gonzales was finally unveiled as the forking liar we all knew he was. He's committed perjury in an effort to obstruct the congressional investigation into the NSA program and attorney firing scandal. Ms. Pelosi, it is now time to place Alberto Gonzales, the utensil Cheney and Bush have been using to cut up, chew on and spit out The Constitution with, on the impeachment table.

Next, we have Cheney (rhymes with meany), aka The Plate. He's declared himself a governmental branch unto himself. He refuses to comply with the Presidential Records Act and allow Congress access to visitor logs and non-national security related communications. To this day he continues to spread the Osama/Sadaam connection lie that fooled our nation into preemptive war. Practically every unconstitutional, unseemly, and probably criminal act committed by the Bush Administration can be placed upon Cheney and his office.

Finally, every nicely set table needs a napkin. One that can be folded into a pleasant shape to fit the table's aesthetic. In George Bush's case, that shape would be a watefowl. If you think a Bush without Gonzales would be a lame duck, just imagine him without Cheney. When people finish a meal, they'll often cover the leftovers on the plate with their napkin. Bush has provided cover for Cheney's activities like a champ. He's the Decider (suuuuure he is), The Commander Guy, and can wield a bull-horn while wearing a cod-piece better than any other draft dodging C-student recovering cokehead alchy I've ever seen. Another function of napkins is wiping your hands clean; as Bush has done in commuting the sentence of convicted perjurer Scooter 'The Shrimp Fork' Libby. He's wiped clean any potential evidence connecting himself or The Plate to the conspiracy to violate the Intelligence Identities Protection Act as an act of political retribution.

So Nancy, if you place the utensils and plate upon the table, George Bush will twist into the lamest of duck shaped napkins just in time to plop him down for a finished setting. Only then will Americans finally feel secure enough with their government to take their seats at the table and help you accomplish all those wonderful things you talk about. But if you leave the table empty...you leave the country hungry and that is not going to do your party any favors.