Reason #45,983 why Republicans should not be allowed within breathing distance of education policy: today former Fox News spokeshole Tony 'I Don't Know' Snow stood at the podium in the briefing room and told reporters 'Congress does not have over-sight responsibility over the White House'. Does he mean that Congress cannot approve the caterers for state dinners? They can't order pruning of The Rose Garden? Maybe he thinks that Congress might sanction Barney for taking a crap in the Lincoln Bedroom. Alas, while Snow is a tad on the simple side he's not that simple.
Snow's statement had no other meaning than he believes Congress has no responsibility to act as a check on the Executive and that Congress is not an equal branch. Snowjob should audition as a contestant on that new show on his old network "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?"...he might learn something about government which might be of use.
Implying that Snow is just ignorant regarding the framework of our system of government is likely inaccurate. The 'Bushies' do not view government as The Founders had or most Americans do. This administration is led by and rife with private-sector cronies that view government as a corporation. They look at Congress as middle-management tasked with implementing upper management (administration) policy. They do not understand that the Executive Branch is there to 'execute' the laws passed by Congress, not the other way around. When Congress fails to 'play ball' they get 'a warning' from BushCo, like here, here, here, here and here.
As is often common in corporate culture, becoming a valuable team player in BushCo does not necessarily require education, talent or experience applicable to the department where one is placed- it just takes loyalty and unquestioning obedience. Another trait BushCo and corporate culture have in common is that when one of the big bosses screws up, they fire the loyal underling that did as he/she was told. George Lakoff explains this is how conservatives 'hold themselves accountable'.....when caught in a scandal, they fire those who followed the bad policy rather than those who developed and implemented it.
For six years prior to November 2006, The Warner-In-Chief didn't have to worry too much about Congress disobeying his orders. But, as Mama Boxer told that James Inhofe (R-Tantrumtown), elections have consequences. So after six long years citizens are getting a refresher course on how our government was meant to operate.
No executive be they public or private sector has the 'privilege' to use their office in an unethical or illegal manner. The 8 federal prosecutors involved in Gonzo-gate were not fired for national security concerns. They were not fired for poor job performance. They were fired because they brought cases against corrupt Republican officials and refused to prosecute phantom 'voter fraud' cases.
There are some out there who are upset that Gonzo-gate distracts from the issue of Iraq but they shouldn't be. We cannot tolerate an Executive branch that puts itself above the laws of our land and views our of/by/for the people government as their own personal Enron. We are the shareholders of the United States of America and Congress is our Board of Directors. This is the first step in reclaiming our ownership of this country and finally holding the Executives themselves accountable.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Why, You Must Be Mistaken!
This week we learned that our congressionally approved state federal prosecutors 'serve at the pleasure of the president'. Is it just me kids or do you all get a wicked case of the heebie jeebies when you hear that phrase now? It has an icky pervy S&M Master/Slave vibe. Eeeewww! Not only that, I was under the impression that serving at the pleasure of another in any state except Nevada was a felony.
I don't know if Gonzo The Factually Challenged Torture Boy knows this or not (he could), but most of us could actually give a flying crap whether Dubya McPleasurePants receives said emotional gratification or not. His position as the highest elected official of the United States does not exempt him from the law or ethical traditions of his office. In fact, Mr. Bush serves 'at the pleasure' of the citizenry of this nation (eeeewwww!) and it has become way past high time we illustrate this truth to him as he clearly believes otherwise.
The president's pleasure , according to his administration and the other assorted Republix butt-smoochers, is supposed to be of utmost importance to the entire planet dontcha know? The rest of the world has forgotten to show their gratitude for the Iraq invasion and our support of corporations that rape and pillage their natural resources; and this displeases him. Don't they realize that he is The Commander In Chief Of Everything And Then Some?! Sheesh, it's almost like they really don't.
Now folks, don't expect perfection from our pleasure-seeking President or his pleasure-giving followers. I mean, as far as we know, they are human and have illustrated a willingness to admit mistakes. Granted the ownership of said mistakes still remains a mystery, but something tells me this administration would find admitting who made them very unpleasant.
Over the last six years we've heard a lot about The Mistakes that were made: Walter-Gate, Torture-Gate, Katrina-Gate, Abramoff-Gate, Warrantless Spying-Gate, Foley-Gate, Plame-Gate, WMD-Gate, Iraq-Gate, just to name a few..and now we've got Gonzo-Gate! Daahaayammm! That's a whole mother-effing boat-load of mistakes! And they still have their jobs! Hmmmm.
You know kids? I think that I will adopt this ass-covering responsibility-avoidant language for myself! It certainly seems to have worked like a charm for the Bush Administration. Just think of all those pesky consequences of the 'mistakes' I make that I'll be able to get myself out of!
The next time I am pulled over for speeding, I will say "Officer, I admit mistakes were made. First, Volkswagen put an accelerator pedal in this vehicle and it was placed there to use it at my pleasure. Second, speed limits have become quaint. Finally, it is a well-established fact that 'speed limit failure' blame is shared among the local, state and federal governments." Of course, the reasonable officer will succumb to my logic and let me go without even bothering with a silly warning.
Wow, maybe I really should thank Bush! Not paying any price for my wrongdoing opens a whole new world to me! All I have to do is say that a mistake was made and I can do anything I want. I don't have to say who made it. I don't have to say why 'it' was made. I don't have to even give one little smidgen of a detail as to how the mistake came into existence. How exciting! I can't wait any longer....I'm goin for a ride!
I don't know if Gonzo The Factually Challenged Torture Boy knows this or not (he could), but most of us could actually give a flying crap whether Dubya McPleasurePants receives said emotional gratification or not. His position as the highest elected official of the United States does not exempt him from the law or ethical traditions of his office. In fact, Mr. Bush serves 'at the pleasure' of the citizenry of this nation (eeeewwww!) and it has become way past high time we illustrate this truth to him as he clearly believes otherwise.
The president's pleasure , according to his administration and the other assorted Republix butt-smoochers, is supposed to be of utmost importance to the entire planet dontcha know? The rest of the world has forgotten to show their gratitude for the Iraq invasion and our support of corporations that rape and pillage their natural resources; and this displeases him. Don't they realize that he is The Commander In Chief Of Everything And Then Some?! Sheesh, it's almost like they really don't.
Now folks, don't expect perfection from our pleasure-seeking President or his pleasure-giving followers. I mean, as far as we know, they are human and have illustrated a willingness to admit mistakes. Granted the ownership of said mistakes still remains a mystery, but something tells me this administration would find admitting who made them very unpleasant.
Over the last six years we've heard a lot about The Mistakes that were made: Walter-Gate, Torture-Gate, Katrina-Gate, Abramoff-Gate, Warrantless Spying-Gate, Foley-Gate, Plame-Gate, WMD-Gate, Iraq-Gate, just to name a few..and now we've got Gonzo-Gate! Daahaayammm! That's a whole mother-effing boat-load of mistakes! And they still have their jobs! Hmmmm.
You know kids? I think that I will adopt this ass-covering responsibility-avoidant language for myself! It certainly seems to have worked like a charm for the Bush Administration. Just think of all those pesky consequences of the 'mistakes' I make that I'll be able to get myself out of!
The next time I am pulled over for speeding, I will say "Officer, I admit mistakes were made. First, Volkswagen put an accelerator pedal in this vehicle and it was placed there to use it at my pleasure. Second, speed limits have become quaint. Finally, it is a well-established fact that 'speed limit failure' blame is shared among the local, state and federal governments." Of course, the reasonable officer will succumb to my logic and let me go without even bothering with a silly warning.
Wow, maybe I really should thank Bush! Not paying any price for my wrongdoing opens a whole new world to me! All I have to do is say that a mistake was made and I can do anything I want. I don't have to say who made it. I don't have to say why 'it' was made. I don't have to even give one little smidgen of a detail as to how the mistake came into existence. How exciting! I can't wait any longer....I'm goin for a ride!
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Pardonnez Moi?
Good news kids! Our justice system isn't completely broken yet! Scooter Libby, bestial pedophile porn auteur extraordinaire, was convicted on four counts of perjury & obstruction of justice. Fitzy did a bang up job prosecuting this case and will inevitably be rewarded in the standard Bush Administration manner by receiving his pink slip. Had Fitzy thrown the whole thing he would have been eligible for a bright shiny Medal of Freedom; good thing he's one of those guys who isn't into jewelry.
Just over two hours after the verdict was announced, the neocon rag, The National Review posted an op-ed signed by all it's editors called "Pardon Libby Now" on their website. The Wall Street Journal, still too snobby for the internets, published their 'Pardon Libby' whine on snail-news the next day. Surprise, surprise! To summarize both treatises: when a Democrat lies about a blow-job, it's perjury but when a Neocon lies about covering up an act of treason...it's 'criminalizing politics'. Color me shocked.
The bad news? Last night two of the case's jurors were interviewed on the cable news shows and both expressed views that poor little Scooter-pie shouldn't be forced to wear soap-on-a-rope in a communal shower 'cuz he was just covering for his big mean boss! These jurors felt sorry for a man that obstructed an investigation into the illegal outing of a covert CIA agent and their brass plate operation, Brewster Jennings, set up to gather intelligence on WMD's in Iran. They felt sorry for a guy deeply involved in a revenge operation that compromised our national security and drove our nation to war on false pretenses. How disturbing is this scenario? People who judged that this man did in fact commit these crimes that have destroyed so many lives...want him pardoned.
I wonder how 'sorry' these same jurors would have felt for the defendant had this been an average case involving drugs with an average human being who was poor & dealing drugs because asking people if 'they want fries with that' can't pay the bills no matter how many hours a week they work. Would these same jurors be so willing to give the defendant a break? The answer is no. Even when the defendant is the girlfriend or wife named as an accomplice who was not directly involved at all. As someone who has sat on a jury like that, I can tell you the average sympathy for a person in that predicament I described is less than zero.
But, golly gee, put a really nice harmless-looking white guy in a nice suit with a perky perfect white wife standing by his side with a brood of perfectly cute white little private-school-going scrappers who sold the national security of his country out for political power in front of any 'Merkan jury and by gum we gotta pardon that guy! Hell that's the only reason we found him guilty cuz we'd know he'd be pardoned!
Logically it should be the other way around, you'd think we'd hold people of financial privilege and/or education who know better to, at the very least , an equal standard. But the average 'Merkan feels more sympathy for uber-wealthy bubble-people who get away with crap they couldn't than people of their own social standing. For example: Britney Spears should lose custody of her children. Any average woman in this country who publicly flashed her private parts, shaved her head, ran around screaming she is the Anti-Christ, been in and out of rehab four times in two weeks would most definitely lose her children. But not Britney. We're all sooooooo worried about this nutcase.
But the lady down the street who's working three jobs & raising her kids on her own with one four-hundredth of the income Ms. Spears enjoys can't fuck up even once without the fear of losing her children and no jury in our nation would feel one tenth as sorry for her as they would widdle Scooter-pie or Britney-poo.
So, pardon me Libby case jurors, but you are literally delusional if you think Scooter should be shown a shred of mercy. This man promoted a lie that put people in danger and embroiled our nation into a war that has cost us dearly in lives and treasury...not out of loyalty to his country but out of loyalty to an 'idea' he signed onto and out of loyalty to a political party. While you may sympathize with him, he has illustrated that he could give a rat's ass about you. But then again...maybe that's why you liked him sooo much.
Just over two hours after the verdict was announced, the neocon rag, The National Review posted an op-ed signed by all it's editors called "Pardon Libby Now" on their website. The Wall Street Journal, still too snobby for the internets, published their 'Pardon Libby' whine on snail-news the next day. Surprise, surprise! To summarize both treatises: when a Democrat lies about a blow-job, it's perjury but when a Neocon lies about covering up an act of treason...it's 'criminalizing politics'. Color me shocked.
The bad news? Last night two of the case's jurors were interviewed on the cable news shows and both expressed views that poor little Scooter-pie shouldn't be forced to wear soap-on-a-rope in a communal shower 'cuz he was just covering for his big mean boss! These jurors felt sorry for a man that obstructed an investigation into the illegal outing of a covert CIA agent and their brass plate operation, Brewster Jennings, set up to gather intelligence on WMD's in Iran. They felt sorry for a guy deeply involved in a revenge operation that compromised our national security and drove our nation to war on false pretenses. How disturbing is this scenario? People who judged that this man did in fact commit these crimes that have destroyed so many lives...want him pardoned.
I wonder how 'sorry' these same jurors would have felt for the defendant had this been an average case involving drugs with an average human being who was poor & dealing drugs because asking people if 'they want fries with that' can't pay the bills no matter how many hours a week they work. Would these same jurors be so willing to give the defendant a break? The answer is no. Even when the defendant is the girlfriend or wife named as an accomplice who was not directly involved at all. As someone who has sat on a jury like that, I can tell you the average sympathy for a person in that predicament I described is less than zero.
But, golly gee, put a really nice harmless-looking white guy in a nice suit with a perky perfect white wife standing by his side with a brood of perfectly cute white little private-school-going scrappers who sold the national security of his country out for political power in front of any 'Merkan jury and by gum we gotta pardon that guy! Hell that's the only reason we found him guilty cuz we'd know he'd be pardoned!
Logically it should be the other way around, you'd think we'd hold people of financial privilege and/or education who know better to, at the very least , an equal standard. But the average 'Merkan feels more sympathy for uber-wealthy bubble-people who get away with crap they couldn't than people of their own social standing. For example: Britney Spears should lose custody of her children. Any average woman in this country who publicly flashed her private parts, shaved her head, ran around screaming she is the Anti-Christ, been in and out of rehab four times in two weeks would most definitely lose her children. But not Britney. We're all sooooooo worried about this nutcase.
But the lady down the street who's working three jobs & raising her kids on her own with one four-hundredth of the income Ms. Spears enjoys can't fuck up even once without the fear of losing her children and no jury in our nation would feel one tenth as sorry for her as they would widdle Scooter-pie or Britney-poo.
So, pardon me Libby case jurors, but you are literally delusional if you think Scooter should be shown a shred of mercy. This man promoted a lie that put people in danger and embroiled our nation into a war that has cost us dearly in lives and treasury...not out of loyalty to his country but out of loyalty to an 'idea' he signed onto and out of loyalty to a political party. While you may sympathize with him, he has illustrated that he could give a rat's ass about you. But then again...maybe that's why you liked him sooo much.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Green With Envy White As A Sheet
True story kids. While relaxing on my sofa Tuesday evening watching cable news with my two English Cocker Spaniels napping happily upon my lap, doing their best imitation of an Afghan and keeping me toasty warm on a cold winter evening; my remote control batteries died right when my channel surfing stopped on Fox News during the Squeaky Sean & alan colmes show. Damn! If I get up the dogs will wake up and want to go outside then they'll get all cold and I'm soooo warm and comfy right now.
Then...the camera panned over to some creature...it had long yellow hair, was wearing lot's of whorey makeup and had an adam's apple? Is it one of the Nelson Brothers? No...I remember that their dye jobs were much better and it's wearing a dress.
Suddenly, it opened a ginormous hole in it's face exhibiting rows of large white teeth and a voice that sounded like an amalgamation of Valley Girl and Charles Nelson Reilly emanated from deep inside...."Al Gore and the Liberals want us all to die, they want us all to only use candles and go to the bathroom outside, Al Gore and liberals want to force all the humans on the planet to wear birkenstocks and eat tofu before they kill them all" it brayed.
"Sweet Jesus on a popsicle stick, what the fuck is that?!" I yelled. Needless to say, my wannabe Afghans received the rudest of awakenings when they hit the floor as I jumped off the sofa and ran screaming 'Make it stop! Make it stop' heading for my kitchen to find the battery charger. I tell you guys, I'm still having nightmares and sleeping with one eye open.
Last Sunday evening, a former statesman and tireless activist was honored when the movie based on his powerpoint presentation (of all things) won the Oscar for Best Documentary. On Monday morning, like the green-eyed yellow bellied scared whiter than a sheet freaks of nature they are, the Republix began their smear campaign against Al Gore. Sure, it's all bullshit and a desperate swift-boat job by a hastily thrown together group of a stereotypical pro-corporate oil-industry GOProstitutes.
But, unfortunately this pile of steaming lies has made it around the world a few times and the only US news program that fact-checked the damn thing is Keith Olbermann's Countdown. CNN has repeated the smear without presenting Al Gore's response or looking into the dubious origin and connections of the group who launched it. ABC, ditto. CBS, ditto. Do me a favor kids...especially CNN because the Lou Dobbs show was extra heinous in gleefully repeating the smear without presenting the facts...write these networks and tell them to report the fucking truth for once.
Regardless, I'm wondering, why beat up on Al Gore? Haven't they done that to death? Well, seeing they still blame Bill Clinton for everything from 9/11 to Katrina to Restless Leg Syndrome, I guess I'm being naive. But it's quite evident right now Al Gore has become an even bigger threat to the Republix psyche than any Clinton could hope for. Why?
First, Gore's movie won an Oscar! The only conservative to win an Oscar was Charlton Heston for Ben Hur way back in 1959. Shit, I wasn't even a zygote back then. Their actors suck and will forever be limited to small screen achievement..right Patricia Heaton, Kelsey Grammar, Suzanne Sommers, Pat Sajak? Emmy's aren't ever going to be as good as Oscars you poor things. Go cry in your scotch and find something to sell on QVC.
Second, Al Gore has become cool! No conservative is ever going to be seen as cool. None of their causes or ideas ever have a snowball's chance in Cheney's lair of ever becoming cool. For example: Join the military so we don't have to! Sex is only for procreation! Gay people scare us because we are afraid we might be gay too! If God liked polar bears he wouldn't be drowning them! Black people wanting an apology for slavery are whiners! Unions mean less money for spoiled heiresses and more money for lazy workers! The 9/11 families should shut the fuck up!
See what I mean? Not one of those ideas is ever going to get a public service announcement on MTV, a colored rubber bracelet or an ad campaign with The Gap.
Third, Al Gore won the popular vote in the 2000 presidential election and that was when he was perceived as being an exaggerating stiff! He says he's not going to run in the 2008 race yet he's polling at 14%. Better than all the second tier candidates on both sides. The Republix are pissing in their pleated Dockers at the thought of Al Gore changing his mind and jumping into the race.
The Republix would rather destroy a movement that's sole purpose is to ensure the survival of the human race for eons and to leave their children a planet to thrive upon, than risk a Democrat getting elected as the President of our nation for four years or so. They would rather go to war, allow poison into our air and water causing disease, destroy ecosystems that support agriculture, destroy our few remaining natural wonders than risk losing the power their corporate funders enable them to have...and that's their inconvenient truth.
Then...the camera panned over to some creature...it had long yellow hair, was wearing lot's of whorey makeup and had an adam's apple? Is it one of the Nelson Brothers? No...I remember that their dye jobs were much better and it's wearing a dress.
Suddenly, it opened a ginormous hole in it's face exhibiting rows of large white teeth and a voice that sounded like an amalgamation of Valley Girl and Charles Nelson Reilly emanated from deep inside...."Al Gore and the Liberals want us all to die, they want us all to only use candles and go to the bathroom outside, Al Gore and liberals want to force all the humans on the planet to wear birkenstocks and eat tofu before they kill them all" it brayed.
"Sweet Jesus on a popsicle stick, what the fuck is that?!" I yelled. Needless to say, my wannabe Afghans received the rudest of awakenings when they hit the floor as I jumped off the sofa and ran screaming 'Make it stop! Make it stop' heading for my kitchen to find the battery charger. I tell you guys, I'm still having nightmares and sleeping with one eye open.
Last Sunday evening, a former statesman and tireless activist was honored when the movie based on his powerpoint presentation (of all things) won the Oscar for Best Documentary. On Monday morning, like the green-eyed yellow bellied scared whiter than a sheet freaks of nature they are, the Republix began their smear campaign against Al Gore. Sure, it's all bullshit and a desperate swift-boat job by a hastily thrown together group of a stereotypical pro-corporate oil-industry GOProstitutes.
But, unfortunately this pile of steaming lies has made it around the world a few times and the only US news program that fact-checked the damn thing is Keith Olbermann's Countdown. CNN has repeated the smear without presenting Al Gore's response or looking into the dubious origin and connections of the group who launched it. ABC, ditto. CBS, ditto. Do me a favor kids...especially CNN because the Lou Dobbs show was extra heinous in gleefully repeating the smear without presenting the facts...write these networks and tell them to report the fucking truth for once.
Regardless, I'm wondering, why beat up on Al Gore? Haven't they done that to death? Well, seeing they still blame Bill Clinton for everything from 9/11 to Katrina to Restless Leg Syndrome, I guess I'm being naive. But it's quite evident right now Al Gore has become an even bigger threat to the Republix psyche than any Clinton could hope for. Why?
First, Gore's movie won an Oscar! The only conservative to win an Oscar was Charlton Heston for Ben Hur way back in 1959. Shit, I wasn't even a zygote back then. Their actors suck and will forever be limited to small screen achievement..right Patricia Heaton, Kelsey Grammar, Suzanne Sommers, Pat Sajak? Emmy's aren't ever going to be as good as Oscars you poor things. Go cry in your scotch and find something to sell on QVC.
Second, Al Gore has become cool! No conservative is ever going to be seen as cool. None of their causes or ideas ever have a snowball's chance in Cheney's lair of ever becoming cool. For example: Join the military so we don't have to! Sex is only for procreation! Gay people scare us because we are afraid we might be gay too! If God liked polar bears he wouldn't be drowning them! Black people wanting an apology for slavery are whiners! Unions mean less money for spoiled heiresses and more money for lazy workers! The 9/11 families should shut the fuck up!
See what I mean? Not one of those ideas is ever going to get a public service announcement on MTV, a colored rubber bracelet or an ad campaign with The Gap.
Third, Al Gore won the popular vote in the 2000 presidential election and that was when he was perceived as being an exaggerating stiff! He says he's not going to run in the 2008 race yet he's polling at 14%. Better than all the second tier candidates on both sides. The Republix are pissing in their pleated Dockers at the thought of Al Gore changing his mind and jumping into the race.
The Republix would rather destroy a movement that's sole purpose is to ensure the survival of the human race for eons and to leave their children a planet to thrive upon, than risk a Democrat getting elected as the President of our nation for four years or so. They would rather go to war, allow poison into our air and water causing disease, destroy ecosystems that support agriculture, destroy our few remaining natural wonders than risk losing the power their corporate funders enable them to have...and that's their inconvenient truth.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Dear John
Dear John Q. Troop,
Hello, how are you? Uncle Dick said that Iraq is a roaring success so you must be doing fine! Hopefully we can keep those weakling 'Merka Haters who say otherwise from debating in the Senate so more of your brave brothers in arms can join you soon.
There have been some nasty rumors lately but we both know that lefty liberal mediacrats are behind them. Thank Jaysus you only get good old Rush Limbaugh on the radio there. Can you believe that they are saying you guys shouldn't be forced to take that anthrax vaccine just because it made a few whiners sick? Are those terrorist-emboldeners trying to aid Al Qaeda's evil plan to hurt the big-time 'Merkan profit margins of our pharmaceutical industry or what? Don't worry, we won't let them!
And don't pay any attention to those rumors spread by those Islamolovers that the Bush Administration isn't taking care of you when you come home too hurt to fight for our freedom! Geez! A little missing caulk and chipped paint should be no big deal to someone who's missing a leg or two. I mean, after all, you volunteered and everything.
John, I know you may think that we are leaving you in Iraq for another and that you may think we are more in love with the idea of you than actually in love with you. Sure it looks like we use you to keep those who want truth and accountability off our back. But, it's not like we use all of you to do that. To be honest (for once) John, you are becoming kind of needy. Can't you just come home and be quiet about your so-called problems? Do we have to actually support you with more than platitudes and yellow ribbon magnets? I mean after all, you did volunteer and everything.
We don't want to break up with you John, but if you aren't going to be there for our needs without thinking of your own...well, there are other fish in the sea.
Sincerely,
The Republican Party & Joe Lieberman
Hello, how are you? Uncle Dick said that Iraq is a roaring success so you must be doing fine! Hopefully we can keep those weakling 'Merka Haters who say otherwise from debating in the Senate so more of your brave brothers in arms can join you soon.
There have been some nasty rumors lately but we both know that lefty liberal mediacrats are behind them. Thank Jaysus you only get good old Rush Limbaugh on the radio there. Can you believe that they are saying you guys shouldn't be forced to take that anthrax vaccine just because it made a few whiners sick? Are those terrorist-emboldeners trying to aid Al Qaeda's evil plan to hurt the big-time 'Merkan profit margins of our pharmaceutical industry or what? Don't worry, we won't let them!
And don't pay any attention to those rumors spread by those Islamolovers that the Bush Administration isn't taking care of you when you come home too hurt to fight for our freedom! Geez! A little missing caulk and chipped paint should be no big deal to someone who's missing a leg or two. I mean, after all, you volunteered and everything.
John, I know you may think that we are leaving you in Iraq for another and that you may think we are more in love with the idea of you than actually in love with you. Sure it looks like we use you to keep those who want truth and accountability off our back. But, it's not like we use all of you to do that. To be honest (for once) John, you are becoming kind of needy. Can't you just come home and be quiet about your so-called problems? Do we have to actually support you with more than platitudes and yellow ribbon magnets? I mean after all, you did volunteer and everything.
We don't want to break up with you John, but if you aren't going to be there for our needs without thinking of your own...well, there are other fish in the sea.
Sincerely,
The Republican Party & Joe Lieberman
Sunday, February 11, 2007
You Want The Truth? You Can't Handle The..Hoohaa!
When I think of my mom I think of a woman who was honest and frank which served all of the people in her life well. She didn't hide anything or make up silly names to hide the facts even if it made her uncomfortable. She would not have tried to protect me from something as important as proper vocabulary. Alas, not all are so fortunate.
For example...say one is driving down the street with their child or grandchild in a car and said child sees the word 'vagina' on a billboard advertising a charity benefit with a showing of the play The Vagina Monologues. If the child then asks 'What is a vagina'? ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION! Do not pitch a hissy forcing the theater owner to change the word on the marquee to some demeaning immature nickname because the kid is just going ask 'What is a hoohaa?' instead of 'What is a vagina?'. So, irregardless, you're going to have to answer the damn question. And, who in their right mind would take any adult seriously that believes one term for a part of a woman's reproductive system is some sing-songy word like hoohaa?
If they do not learn the proper term or you act like a freaked out prude about it..that child will one day be a middle-aged adult that is deathly afraid of vaginas and has yet to graduate from a drinking vessel past the sippy-cup. In other words: single, no job, no grandkids, living in your basement, sucking well vodka from a sippy cup, clad in dirty underwear, and feverishly typing hate-filled rhetoric on the Free Republic. Get the picture? So, you can either swallow your embarrassment and tell the kid what a vagina is...or your legacy will be 'I Raised A Unabomber'. Folks, there are consequences for avoiding truth.
This week our House of Representatives is debating the Iraq Occupation and we learned of a word that the Republic Party finds even scarier than vagina and that word is Iraq. Ironically, overly tanned and tearful Republics while afraid of facing the truth in Iraq are not at all frightened of the word 'terror' or accusing 70% of the nation's citizenry of supporting it. A wave of irrational fear has gripped all Goofy Obnoxious Partisans. Rep. Virgil Goode (R-Damn I Wished I Thought of Callin Them 'Macaca' First) is really really ascairt of Muslims because he fears they may vandalize the sancrosanct symbol of our nation- our currency. Red State House Rep Todd Akin (R-The Show-Me What A Dumbass I Am State) expressed his fear for Davy Crockett's lack of Congressional support. Republic water-schluppers are so afraid of black people that the mere thought of one becoming president puts them in denial.
While The Avoider In Chief may not appear to be afraid of the truth, he in fact is so afraid of it that he's created his own parallel dimension where the truth is what he says it is, it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks and no official record of his words are kept: " Iraq? Why I think we're doin a heckuva job! And without a doubt them Ahranians (Shia) supply them bombs to the insurgents (Sunni) killing our soldiers and not the Ahraqi Shia militias! Doesn't make a lick of sense to me either but hey, go figure! Sure that 'evidence' my military fellas gave the press might look a little sketchy, but I'm tellin ya that writin on them bombs is a special Ahranian dialect that just looks like it's somethin else-ya see, it's all in the pronunciation which as you all know is somethin I know a little about. Heh heh heh heh."
The consequences of the Republics' Party truth avoidance has been more costly than the havoc wrought by Ted Kaczinski. Global climate change threatens our very existence. 3,133 American soldiers dead. Nearly 700,000 Iraqis dead. Tens of thousands maimed and/or mentally destroyed. Billions in wasted taxpayer money. A massive debt to authoritarian regimes like China and Saudi Arabia that American children who are now deemed by some too young to understand the word vagina, will end up paying as adults.
A great American president understood that fear and truth if manipulated presented the greatest danger to our freedom than any physical threat could. I don't know about you but I'm tired of those who fear the truth and use fear to distort the truth . The consequences are never paid by those who use the fear but instead by those who are manipulated by it.
It's been said that 'the truth shall set us free' but did you know that Drinking Liberally can set you free as well? No lie. Just join us all this Sunday at Sullivan's Irish Pub on Madison Avenue in Lakewood, Ohio for some truth, freedom, possibly some chicken wings or fish & chips and most definitely some frosty cool adult beverages. See you then!
For example...say one is driving down the street with their child or grandchild in a car and said child sees the word 'vagina' on a billboard advertising a charity benefit with a showing of the play The Vagina Monologues. If the child then asks 'What is a vagina'? ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION! Do not pitch a hissy forcing the theater owner to change the word on the marquee to some demeaning immature nickname because the kid is just going ask 'What is a hoohaa?' instead of 'What is a vagina?'. So, irregardless, you're going to have to answer the damn question. And, who in their right mind would take any adult seriously that believes one term for a part of a woman's reproductive system is some sing-songy word like hoohaa?
If they do not learn the proper term or you act like a freaked out prude about it..that child will one day be a middle-aged adult that is deathly afraid of vaginas and has yet to graduate from a drinking vessel past the sippy-cup. In other words: single, no job, no grandkids, living in your basement, sucking well vodka from a sippy cup, clad in dirty underwear, and feverishly typing hate-filled rhetoric on the Free Republic. Get the picture? So, you can either swallow your embarrassment and tell the kid what a vagina is...or your legacy will be 'I Raised A Unabomber'. Folks, there are consequences for avoiding truth.
This week our House of Representatives is debating the Iraq Occupation and we learned of a word that the Republic Party finds even scarier than vagina and that word is Iraq. Ironically, overly tanned and tearful Republics while afraid of facing the truth in Iraq are not at all frightened of the word 'terror' or accusing 70% of the nation's citizenry of supporting it. A wave of irrational fear has gripped all Goofy Obnoxious Partisans. Rep. Virgil Goode (R-Damn I Wished I Thought of Callin Them 'Macaca' First) is really really ascairt of Muslims because he fears they may vandalize the sancrosanct symbol of our nation- our currency. Red State House Rep Todd Akin (R-The Show-Me What A Dumbass I Am State) expressed his fear for Davy Crockett's lack of Congressional support. Republic water-schluppers are so afraid of black people that the mere thought of one becoming president puts them in denial.
While The Avoider In Chief may not appear to be afraid of the truth, he in fact is so afraid of it that he's created his own parallel dimension where the truth is what he says it is, it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks and no official record of his words are kept: " Iraq? Why I think we're doin a heckuva job! And without a doubt them Ahranians (Shia) supply them bombs to the insurgents (Sunni) killing our soldiers and not the Ahraqi Shia militias! Doesn't make a lick of sense to me either but hey, go figure! Sure that 'evidence' my military fellas gave the press might look a little sketchy, but I'm tellin ya that writin on them bombs is a special Ahranian dialect that just looks like it's somethin else-ya see, it's all in the pronunciation which as you all know is somethin I know a little about. Heh heh heh heh."
The consequences of the Republics' Party truth avoidance has been more costly than the havoc wrought by Ted Kaczinski. Global climate change threatens our very existence. 3,133 American soldiers dead. Nearly 700,000 Iraqis dead. Tens of thousands maimed and/or mentally destroyed. Billions in wasted taxpayer money. A massive debt to authoritarian regimes like China and Saudi Arabia that American children who are now deemed by some too young to understand the word vagina, will end up paying as adults.
A great American president understood that fear and truth if manipulated presented the greatest danger to our freedom than any physical threat could. I don't know about you but I'm tired of those who fear the truth and use fear to distort the truth . The consequences are never paid by those who use the fear but instead by those who are manipulated by it.
It's been said that 'the truth shall set us free' but did you know that Drinking Liberally can set you free as well? No lie. Just join us all this Sunday at Sullivan's Irish Pub on Madison Avenue in Lakewood, Ohio for some truth, freedom, possibly some chicken wings or fish & chips and most definitely some frosty cool adult beverages. See you then!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Time After Time
This post's title is one of the few songs my mother and I both loved when I was a teenager. It's a sweet song about loving someone you can't always connect with while always holding them in your heart . She was born in 1932 and had me in 1965. It's rare for a girl who came of age in the 40's and lived most of her life as a Republican to share an affinity for a song with one who did the same in the 80's and lived her life as a Liberal. As much as you may love someone, it can be difficult to connect because of your differences. But occasionally something as simple as a song can connect people and Ms. Lauper's best song was one that bridged that divide for my mom and I.
My mother and I shared looks I've always been told. We also shared a 'social butterfly' tendency, loud laugh, loud mouth, a twinge of the stereotypical Irish temper and equally stereotypical Irish love of adult beverages. Oh yeah...also red hair; though it's been years since either of us had the real thing. But until recent years, one thing we had never shared was the same politics.
As a Clash-loving rebellious teen I never had any luck convincing my conservative mom that Reagan was a dangerous human hating feeb. As a Green Day-loving liberal grown woman, it was not hard to convince my conservative mom that George Bush was/is what I thought Reagan was...times a thousand. She regretted her 2000 vote for Bush a million times more than she regretted her vote for Nixon decades earlier. My mom voted for Kerry in 2004, registered as a Democrat for the first time in her life in 2006 and voted a straight D ticket.
She would say often in our conversations leading up to the November elections that a part of her was glad she wasn't going to be around for what she thought could be in store for our nation and the world. I knew she didn't mean...'Sucks to be you'...but instead it was her way of asking me 'what are you going to do about it?'. It reminded me of my childhood when she'd say to me after dinner (my daily chore was doing the dishes)...'the dishes don't clear themselves from the table, wash themselves and magically appear in the cupboards' then I'd reply 'No duh Mooooom!' and wash, dry, then put away those uncooperative dishes. So I assured my mom I was doing my part and so were many many people I know, to clean our nation up with as little breakage as possible.
Last week I got to say goodbye to her in person. I tried to tell her everything I needed to and thank her for everything she'd done for me, but choked. When I got back in town, I e-mailed my dad with a list of things I forgot to say to her and he read them to her for me. Among many: I thanked her for getting my dad to let me date, for not taking my car privileges away even though I got into an accident the first time I took it out, for teaching me to stand up for what I believed in, for arguing with me, and for voting the way she did in November.
Last night when I learned she was gone, a flurry of new things I wanted to tell her but would never get to, entered my mind. Then it occurred to me...what I needed was a song.
"if you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time "
My mother and I shared looks I've always been told. We also shared a 'social butterfly' tendency, loud laugh, loud mouth, a twinge of the stereotypical Irish temper and equally stereotypical Irish love of adult beverages. Oh yeah...also red hair; though it's been years since either of us had the real thing. But until recent years, one thing we had never shared was the same politics.
As a Clash-loving rebellious teen I never had any luck convincing my conservative mom that Reagan was a dangerous human hating feeb. As a Green Day-loving liberal grown woman, it was not hard to convince my conservative mom that George Bush was/is what I thought Reagan was...times a thousand. She regretted her 2000 vote for Bush a million times more than she regretted her vote for Nixon decades earlier. My mom voted for Kerry in 2004, registered as a Democrat for the first time in her life in 2006 and voted a straight D ticket.
She would say often in our conversations leading up to the November elections that a part of her was glad she wasn't going to be around for what she thought could be in store for our nation and the world. I knew she didn't mean...'Sucks to be you'...but instead it was her way of asking me 'what are you going to do about it?'. It reminded me of my childhood when she'd say to me after dinner (my daily chore was doing the dishes)...'the dishes don't clear themselves from the table, wash themselves and magically appear in the cupboards' then I'd reply 'No duh Mooooom!' and wash, dry, then put away those uncooperative dishes. So I assured my mom I was doing my part and so were many many people I know, to clean our nation up with as little breakage as possible.
Last week I got to say goodbye to her in person. I tried to tell her everything I needed to and thank her for everything she'd done for me, but choked. When I got back in town, I e-mailed my dad with a list of things I forgot to say to her and he read them to her for me. Among many: I thanked her for getting my dad to let me date, for not taking my car privileges away even though I got into an accident the first time I took it out, for teaching me to stand up for what I believed in, for arguing with me, and for voting the way she did in November.
Last night when I learned she was gone, a flurry of new things I wanted to tell her but would never get to, entered my mind. Then it occurred to me...what I needed was a song.
"if you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time "
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Mah Fella 'Merkans...Kiss Mah Ass
Hello Liberal Drinkers!
I know, I know...you have been waiting with bated breath for my SOTU rebuttal. Sure Jim Webb did a bang up job beyotch-slapping the Promise-breaker In Chief, but I have my own piece to say. Here goes:
My Fellow Americans,
If any of you believed one word out of George Bush's whiskey-hole you are the biggest dumbasses on the planet...nay in the universe. If you really did and aren't doing anything this weekend; I'd love to play a few games of poker with you. Please bring a covered dish and your life's savings. Momma needs a new pair of shoes!
Thank you and God Bless 'Merka.
While most of Dubya's speech was nothing more than recyled ca-ca, a few things did pique my interest this time around. The first being what he didn't say. There was not one mention of New Orleans or the Gulf Coast. What happened to the promises he made to the region in the 2006 SOTU? Or during that choreographed Well Lit Jackson Square New Orleans Is Gonna Rise Again Bullhorn Moment? Nothing? No shit. Has he not even shared the promised Rocking Chair/Mint Julep On Lott's Porch Moment with his party's new Minority Leader? No? I suppose if he had; we'd have seen it on an infinite loop on Fox News while Sean Hannity simultaneously creamed his pleated Dockers in a yellow school bus.
Next, I nearly shot a swig of a very nice buttery chardonnay from my nose when Bush brought up his nifty 'tax-break' solution to get all us 'Merkans health insurance coverage. Dude, if I don't make enough money to afford my own health insurance then I don't pay enough income tax to qualify for the effing deduction! That guy's never seen a 1040 in his life has he? Sorry...that's a dumb rhetorical question.
Third, I noticed he failed to acknowledge a very important person in attendance. He gave POTUS props to that guy who saved that kid on the subway tracks in NYC, an immigrant NBA player, a soldier (of course) and some chick who came up with the earth shatteringly brilliant idea of playing classical music to fetuses. Yet one of Hillary Clinton's guests, Cesar Borja Jr. the son of a real American hero, went unacknowledged as did his father. Cesar Sr. died as a result of the Bush administration's intentional incompetence. That Bush invoked the 9/11 tragedy as a knife to twist in our nation's back for the umpteenth time to scare us into accepting the escalation in Iraq; yet failed to acknowledge Cesar Borja Sr. & son speaks volumes.
Finally, heck...I'll just cut and paste this one directly from the transcript:
"A second task we can take on together is to design and establish a volunteer Civilian Reserve Corps. Such a corps would function much like our military reserve. It would ease the burden on the Armed Forces by allowing us to hire civilians with critical skills to serve on missions abroad when America needs them. It would give people across America who do not wear the uniform a chance to serve in the defining struggle of our time. "
Excuse me? Personal aside to Dubya McAwol: Struggle this! If civilians want to 'serve' in your imperialistic clusterf*cks they can apply to Halliburton, Dyncorp, CACI or Blackwater. In that case at least they can sock away a couple of hundred thousand bucks to set their families up before they die in vain. Maybe you could tie this program to your Faith Based Vote Bribery Initiative...sign up just those lucky Kreeeshtjuhns who unconditionally love you for bringing Armeggedon so close to fruition.
There's no telling what direction a Civilian Reserve Corps could lead our nation to...well that's not entirely true. Bush neglects to understand that even his rabid kreeshtjuhn followers are loathe to risk their own hides let alone their spawn's to volunteer to serve in his struggle. Putting the safe sounding 'Civilian' label on the package doesn't fool anyone.
Regardless of what was actually said, Bush's message to the voters who kicked his Rubberstampers to the curb and the new Democratic Majority led Congress boils down to this: Kiss my ass. I'm sending more troops to Iraq and there's nothing you can do about it. And since the last (GOP controlled) session of Congress appropriated a nice chunk of change before they closed for good, he's right. There really isn't anything Congress can do to stop this......for now.
I know, I know...you have been waiting with bated breath for my SOTU rebuttal. Sure Jim Webb did a bang up job beyotch-slapping the Promise-breaker In Chief, but I have my own piece to say. Here goes:
My Fellow Americans,
If any of you believed one word out of George Bush's whiskey-hole you are the biggest dumbasses on the planet...nay in the universe. If you really did and aren't doing anything this weekend; I'd love to play a few games of poker with you. Please bring a covered dish and your life's savings. Momma needs a new pair of shoes!
Thank you and God Bless 'Merka.
While most of Dubya's speech was nothing more than recyled ca-ca, a few things did pique my interest this time around. The first being what he didn't say. There was not one mention of New Orleans or the Gulf Coast. What happened to the promises he made to the region in the 2006 SOTU? Or during that choreographed Well Lit Jackson Square New Orleans Is Gonna Rise Again Bullhorn Moment? Nothing? No shit. Has he not even shared the promised Rocking Chair/Mint Julep On Lott's Porch Moment with his party's new Minority Leader? No? I suppose if he had; we'd have seen it on an infinite loop on Fox News while Sean Hannity simultaneously creamed his pleated Dockers in a yellow school bus.
Next, I nearly shot a swig of a very nice buttery chardonnay from my nose when Bush brought up his nifty 'tax-break' solution to get all us 'Merkans health insurance coverage. Dude, if I don't make enough money to afford my own health insurance then I don't pay enough income tax to qualify for the effing deduction! That guy's never seen a 1040 in his life has he? Sorry...that's a dumb rhetorical question.
Third, I noticed he failed to acknowledge a very important person in attendance. He gave POTUS props to that guy who saved that kid on the subway tracks in NYC, an immigrant NBA player, a soldier (of course) and some chick who came up with the earth shatteringly brilliant idea of playing classical music to fetuses. Yet one of Hillary Clinton's guests, Cesar Borja Jr. the son of a real American hero, went unacknowledged as did his father. Cesar Sr. died as a result of the Bush administration's intentional incompetence. That Bush invoked the 9/11 tragedy as a knife to twist in our nation's back for the umpteenth time to scare us into accepting the escalation in Iraq; yet failed to acknowledge Cesar Borja Sr. & son speaks volumes.
Finally, heck...I'll just cut and paste this one directly from the transcript:
"A second task we can take on together is to design and establish a volunteer Civilian Reserve Corps. Such a corps would function much like our military reserve. It would ease the burden on the Armed Forces by allowing us to hire civilians with critical skills to serve on missions abroad when America needs them. It would give people across America who do not wear the uniform a chance to serve in the defining struggle of our time. "
Excuse me? Personal aside to Dubya McAwol: Struggle this! If civilians want to 'serve' in your imperialistic clusterf*cks they can apply to Halliburton, Dyncorp, CACI or Blackwater. In that case at least they can sock away a couple of hundred thousand bucks to set their families up before they die in vain. Maybe you could tie this program to your Faith Based Vote Bribery Initiative...sign up just those lucky Kreeeshtjuhns who unconditionally love you for bringing Armeggedon so close to fruition.
There's no telling what direction a Civilian Reserve Corps could lead our nation to...well that's not entirely true. Bush neglects to understand that even his rabid kreeshtjuhn followers are loathe to risk their own hides let alone their spawn's to volunteer to serve in his struggle. Putting the safe sounding 'Civilian' label on the package doesn't fool anyone.
Regardless of what was actually said, Bush's message to the voters who kicked his Rubberstampers to the curb and the new Democratic Majority led Congress boils down to this: Kiss my ass. I'm sending more troops to Iraq and there's nothing you can do about it. And since the last (GOP controlled) session of Congress appropriated a nice chunk of change before they closed for good, he's right. There really isn't anything Congress can do to stop this......for now.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
God No Longer Blesses America. But, Can You Blame Him?
Wednesday night's address by the delusional man-boy who fancies himself our president was the rare occasion Mr. Cleveland Drinking Liberally (aka Brian) & I actually listened rather than employ the mute and closed-caption features of our television. Not because we wanted to hear the word 'nuclear' bastardized for the 12,348th time via faux Texan dialect; but we were playing a drinking game associated with the speech and closed-captioning of Dubya McMushmouth's word pronunciation ends up looking like alien (not foreign,think Klingon) language subtitles. So in the interest of achieving the buzz necessary to keep ourselves from tossing objects at the television we can ill afford to replace...we listened.
The first thing we noticed at the end of the speech is that our purported Eeeeekvangelical-In-Chief neglected to close with the standard 'God bless America' or some variation thereof. Since he claims to answer to a 'higher father' rather than his biological version, I naturally assumed he meant God. Now, I think maybe he meant Tommy Chong. Anyhow, it seems even Bush realizes that God has had it up to his eyeballs with a citizenry that hasn't impeached his napoleonic sociopathic incompetent ass. America..no more blessing for you!
To convince Congress and America that this time he really is The Man With The Plan; Bush told us the following: "These 'new' troops are going to work with Iraqi forces to secure Bagdhad! We're gonna force the Iraqi government to take more responsibility for their security! Iraq is going to spend 10 billion dollars to rebuild infrastructure and create jobs! They're going to get the water & electricity working for the citizens!" Ummm yeah sounds great, except for one problem....ISN'T THAT WHAT WE WERE SUPPOSEDLY DOING THERE FOR THE LAST THREE F**KING YEARS COMMANDER SH*T-FOR-BRAINS? NEW STRATEGY MY ASS!
Okay. I suppose I'm being a bit unfair, Bush did announce one new strategy:
"Succeeding in Iraq also requires defending it's territorial integrity-and stabilizing the region in the face of the extremist challenge. This begins with addressing Iran and Syria."
"We are also taking other steps to bolster the security of Iraq and protect American interests in the Middle East. I recently ordered the deployment of an additional carrier strike group to the region."
What word leaps out at you? If you answered 'additional' , you win some duct-tape and plastic for your basement windows. Yes, kids. It seems that while Afghanistan is falling back into the hands of the Taliban and Iraq is on the brink of collapse due to a civil war; The Neococksuckers think poking a big stick at the hornet's nest of Iran is exactly the wise thing to do. Yea! We can't handle two wars so what the hell, let's take on another! They remind me of the Black Knight in Monty Python's Holy Grail... . Iran to America: 'What are you going to do, bleed on me?".
But, so far all the Democrats are proposing (save a few) is a 'non-binding' resolution that rebukes Bush's plan. Whoop-de-fucking-doo. That's not why a good many liberals spent money they could ill afford and precious time away from their families to give them the majority. Congress has the power to stop this madness. The Democratic majority has to finally get it through their insecure heads that we support that effort.
So Liberal Drinkers, please contact your senators and representatives, regardless of party affiliation, to express your dismay for a president who doesn't listen and a Congress that refuses to exercise it's Constitutional war powers. Maybe Dubya thinks that God no longer blesses us because we do not follow blindly; but we don't want either of them to believe we are damned as a result.
The first thing we noticed at the end of the speech is that our purported Eeeeekvangelical-In-Chief neglected to close with the standard 'God bless America' or some variation thereof. Since he claims to answer to a 'higher father' rather than his biological version, I naturally assumed he meant God. Now, I think maybe he meant Tommy Chong. Anyhow, it seems even Bush realizes that God has had it up to his eyeballs with a citizenry that hasn't impeached his napoleonic sociopathic incompetent ass. America..no more blessing for you!
To convince Congress and America that this time he really is The Man With The Plan; Bush told us the following: "These 'new' troops are going to work with Iraqi forces to secure Bagdhad! We're gonna force the Iraqi government to take more responsibility for their security! Iraq is going to spend 10 billion dollars to rebuild infrastructure and create jobs! They're going to get the water & electricity working for the citizens!" Ummm yeah sounds great, except for one problem....ISN'T THAT WHAT WE WERE SUPPOSEDLY DOING THERE FOR THE LAST THREE F**KING YEARS COMMANDER SH*T-FOR-BRAINS? NEW STRATEGY MY ASS!
Okay. I suppose I'm being a bit unfair, Bush did announce one new strategy:
"Succeeding in Iraq also requires defending it's territorial integrity-and stabilizing the region in the face of the extremist challenge. This begins with addressing Iran and Syria."
"We are also taking other steps to bolster the security of Iraq and protect American interests in the Middle East. I recently ordered the deployment of an additional carrier strike group to the region."
What word leaps out at you? If you answered 'additional' , you win some duct-tape and plastic for your basement windows. Yes, kids. It seems that while Afghanistan is falling back into the hands of the Taliban and Iraq is on the brink of collapse due to a civil war; The Neococksuckers think poking a big stick at the hornet's nest of Iran is exactly the wise thing to do. Yea! We can't handle two wars so what the hell, let's take on another! They remind me of the Black Knight in Monty Python's Holy Grail... . Iran to America: 'What are you going to do, bleed on me?".
But, so far all the Democrats are proposing (save a few) is a 'non-binding' resolution that rebukes Bush's plan. Whoop-de-fucking-doo. That's not why a good many liberals spent money they could ill afford and precious time away from their families to give them the majority. Congress has the power to stop this madness. The Democratic majority has to finally get it through their insecure heads that we support that effort.
So Liberal Drinkers, please contact your senators and representatives, regardless of party affiliation, to express your dismay for a president who doesn't listen and a Congress that refuses to exercise it's Constitutional war powers. Maybe Dubya thinks that God no longer blesses us because we do not follow blindly; but we don't want either of them to believe we are damned as a result.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
We've Got High Apple Pie In The Sky Hopes
Hello Liberal Drinkers,
I was in Florida this past week. The land of Disney (and Tasering Unruly Third Graders). And I had a run in with hope; because when things suck beyond belief even a jaded bitch like me realizes there really is only one other alternative to it. I struggle constantly with hope as many of you may have at times. Is it a waste of time? Does it make the inevitable harder to cope with? Are you fooling yourself? Maybe a miracle will happen. Maybe it won't. But then you realize..your hope is not only for your own peace of mind but for the one you hope for.
A couple of weeks ago I thought of doing some snarky Cleveland DL Year In Review for my first message to you in the New Year; an idea so unoriginal I subconsciously..nay.. literally mocked the shit out of myself for thinking of it. Who the 'eff am I to do a Year In Review? Or more aptly; Do I Want To Spend All That Goddamn Time Going Back Through 12 Months of Messages To Do One? So then...what do I do? What do I write to you all about?
I could eulogize Gerry 'Fuck The East Timorese' Ford or Sadaam 'Fredo' Hussein who was whacked before he was tried for his and our crimes against the Kurds to appease the Gambini..oops I mean..Saudi...oops I mean the Al Sadr Family. By clicking on these links; you know the world is completely fucked up when I actually agree with the perpetually schnockered potentially heterosexual perpetually insecure Christoper Hitchens. Message to CH: 'Alright you scruffy often repulsive, likely odiferous, libertarianeoconicalcholicsemipenised mook...that's enough press for you. A few bouts of sanity-laden prose does not earn you my love, this was strictly a four-link-stand.'
I could write about Dubya McOedipuscomplex who wants to send more troops to Iraq just to piss off the 78% of this nation who thinks he's a batshit impotent incompetent puppet of Satan. But, we've beaten that horse (much like Congress) to death haven't we? I don't know about you but in the next ten years I would like the words 'resolve' and 'steadfast' completely eliminated from the dictionary for at least five decades. Perfectly good words, made irrelevant by one man. What a pity.
But I digress. I really do want to impart that message of hope, in the sense of my hope for others. This coming year:
1.) I hope the Democrats have the stones to take their investigations 'off the table' and into impeachment hearings against George Bush and Dick Cheney.
2.) I hope Oprah Winfrey realizes that inner city American poor kids aren't all that psyched about school uniforms over video games because school uniforms are creepily Orwellian and reek of forced subservient conformity that South African children may not object to, but free-thinking individualistic creative American kids sure the fuck do.
3.) I hope that Dick Cheney has another accident with his shotgun...alone, while cleaning it and recording the video on his cell phone. In a related hope..I hope CNN shows the same restraint in airing the Dick Cheney Gun Cleaning Accident cell-phone video as it had the Sadaam-Hanging cell-phone video.
4.) I hope liberal radio stays on in Columbus. Word is a wildly popular ratings competitive station there is going to be switched back to 'Conservative Radio'. Write the station..tell them Laura Ingraham is NOT progressive. Be sure to include in your critique of the station turnover that Ingraham is a heartless 'See You Next Tuesday'.
5.) I hope the 'Mea Crappa' media crowd of Chris Matthews, Joe Scarborough, Andrew Sullivan et al really take a long fucking look in the mirror....they were sooo gunning for this Iraq debacle up until a year or so ago that they labeled anyone bright enough to question it 'un-American' in the most McCarthy sense of the term. They spent years disparaging large groups of American citizens and excusing the unlawful detainment and torture of American citizens; let alone a misguided view of the Geneva Conventions. Now they publicly say it was wrong? Their current mea culpas are more than a day late (give or take four years) and more than a dollar short (try nearly half a trillion). Welcome to the club boys...pardon us if we do not applaud your entrance. I hope you can stand in front of that mirror, knowing who you are. If I were you I could not.
6.) I hope Keith Olbermann wins an Emmy.
7.) I hope all of you have the best next year imaginable.
8.) I hope the Cleveland Indians change their mascot and win the World Series.
9.) I hope that we finally take steps to curb global warming....NOW.
10.) I hope every liberal minded social drinker in the Cleveland area decides to sign up and become a Cleveland Drinking Liberally member (it's for your own good, really).
And a last one for my mom.
11.) I hope you get to see my neice/your granddaughter Carly graduate from high school.
Hope is the theme for 2007. So tell Britney to put her skivvies back on, fire her publicist, hire a financial planner and become a Democrat. Tell the Republicans that Conservatism is as dead as shoulder-pads, Raygunism and Newt Gingerich's psychotic hate-babble. We are going to raise the minimum wage, our parents are going to be able to afford their prescriptions, we are going to fund stem-cell research, and....whether some Democrats like it or not..we are going to bring our troops home from Iraq. At least I hope so.
Liberally yours,
Judy
I was in Florida this past week. The land of Disney (and Tasering Unruly Third Graders). And I had a run in with hope; because when things suck beyond belief even a jaded bitch like me realizes there really is only one other alternative to it. I struggle constantly with hope as many of you may have at times. Is it a waste of time? Does it make the inevitable harder to cope with? Are you fooling yourself? Maybe a miracle will happen. Maybe it won't. But then you realize..your hope is not only for your own peace of mind but for the one you hope for.
A couple of weeks ago I thought of doing some snarky Cleveland DL Year In Review for my first message to you in the New Year; an idea so unoriginal I subconsciously..nay.. literally mocked the shit out of myself for thinking of it. Who the 'eff am I to do a Year In Review? Or more aptly; Do I Want To Spend All That Goddamn Time Going Back Through 12 Months of Messages To Do One? So then...what do I do? What do I write to you all about?
I could eulogize Gerry 'Fuck The East Timorese' Ford or Sadaam 'Fredo' Hussein who was whacked before he was tried for his and our crimes against the Kurds to appease the Gambini..oops I mean..Saudi...oops I mean the Al Sadr Family. By clicking on these links; you know the world is completely fucked up when I actually agree with the perpetually schnockered potentially heterosexual perpetually insecure Christoper Hitchens. Message to CH: 'Alright you scruffy often repulsive, likely odiferous, libertarianeoconicalcholicsemipenised mook...that's enough press for you. A few bouts of sanity-laden prose does not earn you my love, this was strictly a four-link-stand.'
I could write about Dubya McOedipuscomplex who wants to send more troops to Iraq just to piss off the 78% of this nation who thinks he's a batshit impotent incompetent puppet of Satan. But, we've beaten that horse (much like Congress) to death haven't we? I don't know about you but in the next ten years I would like the words 'resolve' and 'steadfast' completely eliminated from the dictionary for at least five decades. Perfectly good words, made irrelevant by one man. What a pity.
But I digress. I really do want to impart that message of hope, in the sense of my hope for others. This coming year:
1.) I hope the Democrats have the stones to take their investigations 'off the table' and into impeachment hearings against George Bush and Dick Cheney.
2.) I hope Oprah Winfrey realizes that inner city American poor kids aren't all that psyched about school uniforms over video games because school uniforms are creepily Orwellian and reek of forced subservient conformity that South African children may not object to, but free-thinking individualistic creative American kids sure the fuck do.
3.) I hope that Dick Cheney has another accident with his shotgun...alone, while cleaning it and recording the video on his cell phone. In a related hope..I hope CNN shows the same restraint in airing the Dick Cheney Gun Cleaning Accident cell-phone video as it had the Sadaam-Hanging cell-phone video.
4.) I hope liberal radio stays on in Columbus. Word is a wildly popular ratings competitive station there is going to be switched back to 'Conservative Radio'. Write the station..tell them Laura Ingraham is NOT progressive. Be sure to include in your critique of the station turnover that Ingraham is a heartless 'See You Next Tuesday'.
5.) I hope the 'Mea Crappa' media crowd of Chris Matthews, Joe Scarborough, Andrew Sullivan et al really take a long fucking look in the mirror....they were sooo gunning for this Iraq debacle up until a year or so ago that they labeled anyone bright enough to question it 'un-American' in the most McCarthy sense of the term. They spent years disparaging large groups of American citizens and excusing the unlawful detainment and torture of American citizens; let alone a misguided view of the Geneva Conventions. Now they publicly say it was wrong? Their current mea culpas are more than a day late (give or take four years) and more than a dollar short (try nearly half a trillion). Welcome to the club boys...pardon us if we do not applaud your entrance. I hope you can stand in front of that mirror, knowing who you are. If I were you I could not.
6.) I hope Keith Olbermann wins an Emmy.
7.) I hope all of you have the best next year imaginable.
8.) I hope the Cleveland Indians change their mascot and win the World Series.
9.) I hope that we finally take steps to curb global warming....NOW.
10.) I hope every liberal minded social drinker in the Cleveland area decides to sign up and become a Cleveland Drinking Liberally member (it's for your own good, really).
And a last one for my mom.
11.) I hope you get to see my neice/your granddaughter Carly graduate from high school.
Hope is the theme for 2007. So tell Britney to put her skivvies back on, fire her publicist, hire a financial planner and become a Democrat. Tell the Republicans that Conservatism is as dead as shoulder-pads, Raygunism and Newt Gingerich's psychotic hate-babble. We are going to raise the minimum wage, our parents are going to be able to afford their prescriptions, we are going to fund stem-cell research, and....whether some Democrats like it or not..we are going to bring our troops home from Iraq. At least I hope so.
Liberally yours,
Judy
Friday, December 22, 2006
Santa Baby
Dear Santa,
I know there's a good chance you don't exist, but believing in you isn't any crazier an idea than believing in one of the many deities that drive billions to discriminate against and/or kill their fellow man. Of course the idea that reindeer can fly is kinda wacky, but is it any more so than believing in magical gold plates that can only be read with special glasses while covering your face with a black hat containing a brown rock? Sure, a several hundred year old fat white guy delivering 9 billion presents by mammalian-powered flying sleigh in one evening sounds impossible but so does immaculate conception. Oops, sorry! I know, I know..you aren't fat, you're big-boned.
Since many of my fellow human beings find the concept of not believing in imaginary invisible figures capable of fantastically impossible feats to be incomprehensible and since I am tired of the wide-eyed open-mouthed horror-filled looks given when I even hint that such entities based in organized religion may not exist; I've decided to believe in you. I have decided to convert to Santology.
We Santologists believe in giving toys to kids, free milk and cookies, singing jolly carols, working hard, decorating trees, maintaining large bellies that shake when we laugh and extreme sleigh-riding. We do not discriminate against anybody save those who haven't been good for goodness sake and even then, the worst thing that can happen is receiving a lump of coal. But, Santologists are also very forgiving. Coal receipients get a clean slate on December 26th and have a whole year to become good and receive presents 364 days later.
I have to tell you Santa, one downside of Santology is knowing when everybody is sleeping and awake. Voyeurism is kind of pervy; not to mention Orwellian. The snoring is more than a little annoying and I wish they'd quit hitting that freaking snooze button every five minutes. I don't know how you've put up with it for so long and maintained your jolly composure. Any chance of slipping some Vicodin in my stocking so I can deal? Also, we really need to find a more ecological alternative to coal-lumps for the bad folks. Strip mining and mountain-top removal is decidedly bad. How about reindeer poop? You'll need more reindeer of course. And don't forget the largest load has to go to that ranch in Crawford, TX.
Anyhow Santa, let's cut to the chase. Since I have been very good this year and recently converted to Santology, I believe that means I am entitled to some gifts from you. Here's my list Big Guy, see what you can do:
1.) End Global Warming
2.) Impeachment of both George Bush & Dick Cheney
3.) End war
4.) Marriage equality for all.
5.) Elimination of religious fundamentalism
6.) A cure for AIDS
7.) Healthcare for all
8.) Compassion for the other creatures with whom we share the planet
9.) Equality for women all over the world
10.) End poverty
If you can fit into chimneys, deliver billions of gifts in the span of twelve hours, teach reindeer to fly, get thousands of elves to work for room and board, know everybody's sleeping habits and state of goodness/badness; then the items on my wish list should more than fit within the realm of your core competencies. The cookies & milk will be on the coffee table next to the organic carrots for Blitzen et al. Thanks Santa! See you Sunday night!
I know there's a good chance you don't exist, but believing in you isn't any crazier an idea than believing in one of the many deities that drive billions to discriminate against and/or kill their fellow man. Of course the idea that reindeer can fly is kinda wacky, but is it any more so than believing in magical gold plates that can only be read with special glasses while covering your face with a black hat containing a brown rock? Sure, a several hundred year old fat white guy delivering 9 billion presents by mammalian-powered flying sleigh in one evening sounds impossible but so does immaculate conception. Oops, sorry! I know, I know..you aren't fat, you're big-boned.
Since many of my fellow human beings find the concept of not believing in imaginary invisible figures capable of fantastically impossible feats to be incomprehensible and since I am tired of the wide-eyed open-mouthed horror-filled looks given when I even hint that such entities based in organized religion may not exist; I've decided to believe in you. I have decided to convert to Santology.
We Santologists believe in giving toys to kids, free milk and cookies, singing jolly carols, working hard, decorating trees, maintaining large bellies that shake when we laugh and extreme sleigh-riding. We do not discriminate against anybody save those who haven't been good for goodness sake and even then, the worst thing that can happen is receiving a lump of coal. But, Santologists are also very forgiving. Coal receipients get a clean slate on December 26th and have a whole year to become good and receive presents 364 days later.
I have to tell you Santa, one downside of Santology is knowing when everybody is sleeping and awake. Voyeurism is kind of pervy; not to mention Orwellian. The snoring is more than a little annoying and I wish they'd quit hitting that freaking snooze button every five minutes. I don't know how you've put up with it for so long and maintained your jolly composure. Any chance of slipping some Vicodin in my stocking so I can deal? Also, we really need to find a more ecological alternative to coal-lumps for the bad folks. Strip mining and mountain-top removal is decidedly bad. How about reindeer poop? You'll need more reindeer of course. And don't forget the largest load has to go to that ranch in Crawford, TX.
Anyhow Santa, let's cut to the chase. Since I have been very good this year and recently converted to Santology, I believe that means I am entitled to some gifts from you. Here's my list Big Guy, see what you can do:
1.) End Global Warming
2.) Impeachment of both George Bush & Dick Cheney
3.) End war
4.) Marriage equality for all.
5.) Elimination of religious fundamentalism
6.) A cure for AIDS
7.) Healthcare for all
8.) Compassion for the other creatures with whom we share the planet
9.) Equality for women all over the world
10.) End poverty
If you can fit into chimneys, deliver billions of gifts in the span of twelve hours, teach reindeer to fly, get thousands of elves to work for room and board, know everybody's sleeping habits and state of goodness/badness; then the items on my wish list should more than fit within the realm of your core competencies. The cookies & milk will be on the coffee table next to the organic carrots for Blitzen et al. Thanks Santa! See you Sunday night!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
The No Shit Sherlock Report
Hello Liberal Drinkers!
It's finally official. Iraq is a quagmire, we cannot 'stay this course' and need to leave someday. But...even though us traitorous America-hating moonbat liberals have been saying exactly that for years; we needed a bipartisan panel of retired politicos to take six months to study up then write a f***ing book about it. Good thing Jim Baker successfully defended the Saudis against those mean old 9/11 families suing them or he might not have the gravitas needed to lead this esteemed group of experts of the obvious.
Another conclusion the Iraq Study Group drew, that the angry bitter far left wing have known from day one, is the Bush Administration has been lying to the American people. I doubt this little fact-nugget is going to make the trip to Scarborough Country or into the equation on the O'Reilly Factor, but it seems that the Bush Administration has been underreporting the violence in Iraq. In July, US officials reported 93 incidents of violence but the ISG found over 1,100. So last year when Bush misunderestimated that 30,000 Iraqis have died as a result of our invasion & occupation of their country? Do the math. Wait! Those hippie scum at Johns Hopkins University did just that for us when they released this study estimating over 650,000 Iraqi invasion/occupation related casualties. Of course, C Student Legacy Boy of 'Is Our Children Learning' fame scoffed that the JHU study was 'not credible' and his media lapdogs dutifully buried that bone.
What the ISG report doesn't do is get us the hell out any time soon, but instead estimates our earliest Iraq departure date sometime at the end of 2008; conveniently allowing the Codpiece Stuffer In Chief to finish his 'War Prezeeedency'. So, given the Johns Hopkins math....maybe a million Iraqis will have been liberated from their mortal coil by the time the ink on Exxon's oil field contracts is dry.
Speaking of Exxon, here is yet another ISG conclusion tin-foiled hat clad liberals have been bitching about since we invaded Iraq that promises to be conspicuously absent from The Wolf "Sigh, McCain's Such A Dreamy Maverick!" Blitzer Situation Room: it was really all about the oil after all. Those brave bipartisan commission coots predictably recommended privatization of Iraq's oil fields; a perfect solution to stop the three Iraqi sects from fighting over the oil is to just take it away from them. Just like my mom used to do when my siblings and I fought over a toy. I call first dibs on this statement: the only ISG recommendation to be adopted by the Bush Administration will be this one.
Pundits on both sides have been either wailing in protest or jumping for joy over this report. They conveniently forget the kind of attention the Bush Administration gives to the recommendations of bipartisan commissions. Except for the oil-privatization recommendation, why would the Bush Administration be the least bit interested in doing anything differently? Because they want us to win? Puhleeze. As they have reminded us on many occasion: 'they aren't running again', 'they don't pay attention to polls' and it will 'be up to future presidents' to extricate us from Iraq. Do you think just 'cuz a few of Poppy's Ensure-swiggin buddies told Dubya to change course that he's actually going to listen? Hell no.
What's going to happen is: Bob 'I'm Not Don' Gates is going to make a trip to Iraq, promise a brand new spiffy 'plan' to train the Iraqis to stand up and ask for six months to get the job done. In six months, Bob 'I Swear I'm Really Not Don' Gates is going to make another trip to Iraq with a newer spiffier plan to train the Iraqis to stand up, ask for and get another six months to get the job done. This time next year, the ISG will come out with their own follow up report giving the Bush Administration a failing grade just like their 9/11 Panel brethren. The press will be in an uproar about it for a few weeks, then they'll forget all about it because the POTUS race will be in full swing. Each party will promise to have the solution to our Iraq problem and Dubya will spend the rest of his term marking off the days on his Back To Crawford Calendar.
I hope I'm wrong and not writing a post about the ISG Failing Grade Report, 4000 dead US soldiers and 750,000 dead Iraqis this time next year kids but I know in my heart that unless something else happens, I will be. Well, suddenly I'm chilled to the bone, tired and sad. Luckily (weather permitting) I get to warm up with some adult beverages and cheer up with some fabulous liberals this Sunday after 6pm at our Drinking Liberally meeting at Sullivan's Irish Pub on Madison Avenue in Lakewood, Ohio. See you there!
Liberally,
Judy
It's finally official. Iraq is a quagmire, we cannot 'stay this course' and need to leave someday. But...even though us traitorous America-hating moonbat liberals have been saying exactly that for years; we needed a bipartisan panel of retired politicos to take six months to study up then write a f***ing book about it. Good thing Jim Baker successfully defended the Saudis against those mean old 9/11 families suing them or he might not have the gravitas needed to lead this esteemed group of experts of the obvious.
Another conclusion the Iraq Study Group drew, that the angry bitter far left wing have known from day one, is the Bush Administration has been lying to the American people. I doubt this little fact-nugget is going to make the trip to Scarborough Country or into the equation on the O'Reilly Factor, but it seems that the Bush Administration has been underreporting the violence in Iraq. In July, US officials reported 93 incidents of violence but the ISG found over 1,100. So last year when Bush misunderestimated that 30,000 Iraqis have died as a result of our invasion & occupation of their country? Do the math. Wait! Those hippie scum at Johns Hopkins University did just that for us when they released this study estimating over 650,000 Iraqi invasion/occupation related casualties. Of course, C Student Legacy Boy of 'Is Our Children Learning' fame scoffed that the JHU study was 'not credible' and his media lapdogs dutifully buried that bone.
What the ISG report doesn't do is get us the hell out any time soon, but instead estimates our earliest Iraq departure date sometime at the end of 2008; conveniently allowing the Codpiece Stuffer In Chief to finish his 'War Prezeeedency'. So, given the Johns Hopkins math....maybe a million Iraqis will have been liberated from their mortal coil by the time the ink on Exxon's oil field contracts is dry.
Speaking of Exxon, here is yet another ISG conclusion tin-foiled hat clad liberals have been bitching about since we invaded Iraq that promises to be conspicuously absent from The Wolf "Sigh, McCain's Such A Dreamy Maverick!" Blitzer Situation Room: it was really all about the oil after all. Those brave bipartisan commission coots predictably recommended privatization of Iraq's oil fields; a perfect solution to stop the three Iraqi sects from fighting over the oil is to just take it away from them. Just like my mom used to do when my siblings and I fought over a toy. I call first dibs on this statement: the only ISG recommendation to be adopted by the Bush Administration will be this one.
Pundits on both sides have been either wailing in protest or jumping for joy over this report. They conveniently forget the kind of attention the Bush Administration gives to the recommendations of bipartisan commissions. Except for the oil-privatization recommendation, why would the Bush Administration be the least bit interested in doing anything differently? Because they want us to win? Puhleeze. As they have reminded us on many occasion: 'they aren't running again', 'they don't pay attention to polls' and it will 'be up to future presidents' to extricate us from Iraq. Do you think just 'cuz a few of Poppy's Ensure-swiggin buddies told Dubya to change course that he's actually going to listen? Hell no.
What's going to happen is: Bob 'I'm Not Don' Gates is going to make a trip to Iraq, promise a brand new spiffy 'plan' to train the Iraqis to stand up and ask for six months to get the job done. In six months, Bob 'I Swear I'm Really Not Don' Gates is going to make another trip to Iraq with a newer spiffier plan to train the Iraqis to stand up, ask for and get another six months to get the job done. This time next year, the ISG will come out with their own follow up report giving the Bush Administration a failing grade just like their 9/11 Panel brethren. The press will be in an uproar about it for a few weeks, then they'll forget all about it because the POTUS race will be in full swing. Each party will promise to have the solution to our Iraq problem and Dubya will spend the rest of his term marking off the days on his Back To Crawford Calendar.
I hope I'm wrong and not writing a post about the ISG Failing Grade Report, 4000 dead US soldiers and 750,000 dead Iraqis this time next year kids but I know in my heart that unless something else happens, I will be. Well, suddenly I'm chilled to the bone, tired and sad. Luckily (weather permitting) I get to warm up with some adult beverages and cheer up with some fabulous liberals this Sunday after 6pm at our Drinking Liberally meeting at Sullivan's Irish Pub on Madison Avenue in Lakewood, Ohio. See you there!
Liberally,
Judy
Thursday, November 30, 2006
So Many Wars, So Little Time
Hello Liberal Drinkers,
It's the Most Wonderful Time of The Year Kids! War on Christmas Season is in full swing and the first casualty is Walmart. Poor behemoth company feeding billions of dollars to greedy spoiled rotten done nothing to deserve their wealth except successfully make it through a birth canal spawn of Sam Walton! Sigh, the 'free market' is such a fickle mistress.
On cue, Bill O'Delusionally in his trademark ignoranting manner is 'boycotting' Crate and Barrel for not forcing their part-time minimum wage seasonal staff to greet customers with 'Merry Christmas' as a condition of employment regardless of their own or their customers' religious affiliation, let alone free will. Financial analysts predictably expect C&B's sales and stock value will rise sharply on the news of an O'Reilly boycott. Hear that Walmart? But seriously kids; Billy's especially self-righteous hysterical ranting against imaginary Baby Jeebus B-day Haters has nothing to do with his new book or making up shit to make himself rich or anything. He swears on his faloofah it doesn't.
Well fellow Secular Progressives, thank Clooney we have another War to worry about! No you silly geese! I don't mean Iraq! Iraq's not a war! It's a global struggle to..nah. It's a civil wa..oh shit, can't say that. Whatever it is, Chimpy McPlugginghisearsandstompinghisfeet says we will stay in-Iraq-to-win till Cheney's lair freezes over cuz Exxon has not gotten it's oil yet and that's just not fair to their lobbyists.
No, the war I'm talking about is the one in which the Bush administration (ironic surname in this context, huh?) is askin good Kreeshtjuhn 'Merkans to redeploy homeland forces to fight the Second War On Orgasms ! The FBI fought the First WOO in 2005 when under the leadership of Alberto 'Whips & Chains' Gonzales, they bravely took on the Salami-Slapping Video Militias. Regretfully, my decade old delusion that when I was an adult under the age of thirty I was free to get my safe-sex freak on, totally disqualifies me from signing up to fight this war. But I imagine there are millions of Young Republicans who qualify for this service with little or no sacrifice.
To be really serious for a moment folks...this time I really do mean it, I'm sick to death of 'Wars On ___'. I use that crap terminology to highlight it's absurdity because every night we watch ignorant fools on TV or listen to them on the radio promoting some 'war' on this or that. You cannot war against holidays, dental plaque, cellulite, drugs, poverty, diseases, crime or terror. Warring against drugs hasn't done anything but put addicted people in jail and perpetuate violence. Warring against poverty isn't the answer, who do you fight? The poor? The rich? We can't battle poverty but we can lift people from it. How do you war against terror? By invading a country, dropping uranium-filled bombs killing thousands of innocents? You can't war against terror without creating terror by waging war.
Well paid political opinion-makers and marketing gurus have coopted the term 'war' to fit their needs. War is horrifying. When jackoffs on Fox or in the office of White House Spin or the marketing department of Proctor & Gamble use this term in every facet of our language, it dilutes the meaning. War on Terror=War on Cavities=War on Whatever.
To finish this thought on wars, I present an open final comment on the subject to Bill O'Reilly himself: You are not a Culture Warrior. You are nothing but a bitter old man whose dick cannot rise above his thighs without a blue pill and that pisses you off. If you didn't work in cable news you'd be that scary neighborhood guy who is unshaven, unshowered, wearing a stained wife beater with equally stained boxer shorts, black socks with sandals and yelling at kids to get off your damn lawn. What a difference your gig on that bastion of culturally significant media, Inside Edition, made for you Peabody-boy. Shove your Culture War up your ass.
Well my liberal drinking buddies of Cleveland this Sunday we meet at Sullivan's Irish Pub on Madison Avenue in Lakewood Ohio after 6pm to talk politics and Wage a War on Our Livers with frosty irish brews, pale golden chardonnay or ...I know, I know. It was a joke to test if you were really reading this whole thing or not. No more wars, on livers or anything else. We'll just give them a good spanking ;) See you Sunday.
Liberally Yours,
Judy
It's the Most Wonderful Time of The Year Kids! War on Christmas Season is in full swing and the first casualty is Walmart. Poor behemoth company feeding billions of dollars to greedy spoiled rotten done nothing to deserve their wealth except successfully make it through a birth canal spawn of Sam Walton! Sigh, the 'free market' is such a fickle mistress.
On cue, Bill O'Delusionally in his trademark ignoranting manner is 'boycotting' Crate and Barrel for not forcing their part-time minimum wage seasonal staff to greet customers with 'Merry Christmas' as a condition of employment regardless of their own or their customers' religious affiliation, let alone free will. Financial analysts predictably expect C&B's sales and stock value will rise sharply on the news of an O'Reilly boycott. Hear that Walmart? But seriously kids; Billy's especially self-righteous hysterical ranting against imaginary Baby Jeebus B-day Haters has nothing to do with his new book or making up shit to make himself rich or anything. He swears on his faloofah it doesn't.
Well fellow Secular Progressives, thank Clooney we have another War to worry about! No you silly geese! I don't mean Iraq! Iraq's not a war! It's a global struggle to..nah. It's a civil wa..oh shit, can't say that. Whatever it is, Chimpy McPlugginghisearsandstompinghisfeet says we will stay in-Iraq-to-win till Cheney's lair freezes over cuz Exxon has not gotten it's oil yet and that's just not fair to their lobbyists.
No, the war I'm talking about is the one in which the Bush administration (ironic surname in this context, huh?) is askin good Kreeshtjuhn 'Merkans to redeploy homeland forces to fight the Second War On Orgasms ! The FBI fought the First WOO in 2005 when under the leadership of Alberto 'Whips & Chains' Gonzales, they bravely took on the Salami-Slapping Video Militias. Regretfully, my decade old delusion that when I was an adult under the age of thirty I was free to get my safe-sex freak on, totally disqualifies me from signing up to fight this war. But I imagine there are millions of Young Republicans who qualify for this service with little or no sacrifice.
To be really serious for a moment folks...this time I really do mean it, I'm sick to death of 'Wars On ___'. I use that crap terminology to highlight it's absurdity because every night we watch ignorant fools on TV or listen to them on the radio promoting some 'war' on this or that. You cannot war against holidays, dental plaque, cellulite, drugs, poverty, diseases, crime or terror. Warring against drugs hasn't done anything but put addicted people in jail and perpetuate violence. Warring against poverty isn't the answer, who do you fight? The poor? The rich? We can't battle poverty but we can lift people from it. How do you war against terror? By invading a country, dropping uranium-filled bombs killing thousands of innocents? You can't war against terror without creating terror by waging war.
Well paid political opinion-makers and marketing gurus have coopted the term 'war' to fit their needs. War is horrifying. When jackoffs on Fox or in the office of White House Spin or the marketing department of Proctor & Gamble use this term in every facet of our language, it dilutes the meaning. War on Terror=War on Cavities=War on Whatever.
To finish this thought on wars, I present an open final comment on the subject to Bill O'Reilly himself: You are not a Culture Warrior. You are nothing but a bitter old man whose dick cannot rise above his thighs without a blue pill and that pisses you off. If you didn't work in cable news you'd be that scary neighborhood guy who is unshaven, unshowered, wearing a stained wife beater with equally stained boxer shorts, black socks with sandals and yelling at kids to get off your damn lawn. What a difference your gig on that bastion of culturally significant media, Inside Edition, made for you Peabody-boy. Shove your Culture War up your ass.
Well my liberal drinking buddies of Cleveland this Sunday we meet at Sullivan's Irish Pub on Madison Avenue in Lakewood Ohio after 6pm to talk politics and Wage a War on Our Livers with frosty irish brews, pale golden chardonnay or ...I know, I know. It was a joke to test if you were really reading this whole thing or not. No more wars, on livers or anything else. We'll just give them a good spanking ;) See you Sunday.
Liberally Yours,
Judy
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Gobble Gobble Gobble
Hello Liberal Drinkers,
First order of biz, no DL meeting this Sunday as it's a holiday weekend. I expect you all will have gained at least six pounds by then and need to regain your sanity from a whole weekend with relatives. If you are like me, part of a 'mixed' family, you will be forced to spend many hours in close proximity with hardcore Republicans. So kids, I leave you with some advice for this especially special 2006 Thanksgiving.
First order of biz, no DL meeting this Sunday as it's a holiday weekend. I expect you all will have gained at least six pounds by then and need to regain your sanity from a whole weekend with relatives. If you are like me, part of a 'mixed' family, you will be forced to spend many hours in close proximity with hardcore Republicans. So kids, I leave you with some advice for this especially special 2006 Thanksgiving.
- Do not call your in-law who is a loyal Limbaugh fan a 'Dicko-head'. I tried it once, believe me when I say they do not appreciate clever plays on words. Feel free to point out that he/she blindly supports a man who made his immigrant cleaning lady go on drug runs for him, brings a month's worth of viagra on a weekend junket to a third world country known for it's underage sex trade and mocks people inflicted with deadly incurable debilitating diseases. Laugh mockingly when he/she defends him. Duck when they throw the turkey leg at you.
- For those of you with pro-life relatives of child-bearing age who are against embryonic stem-cell research, remind them that there are thousands of snowflake babies available to take up residence for 9 months in their family's uterus-owner. Do not ask them to pass the mashed potatoes immediately afterward. Don't forget to duck if they grab the other turkey leg, one of those to the forehead can leave a nasty welt.
- Drink wine, beer, vodka, grain alchol, whiskey, cough syrup...whatever you can get your hands on to get through the day. Best to use up a favor by having a spouse/date/friend on hand as your sober chauffeur.
- Gloat. When the subject of the elections comes up? Dance around chanting 'Blue Ohio! In Your Face!' while smacking your own ass. Hey...how many times did these jackoffs tell you that you were a traitor for not thinking Dubya McPoppy'sGottasavemyass is the next best thing since...oh yeah...God? Do this immediately after dinner before the tryptophan kicks in while you still have the energy.
- If Grandma/Grandpa is Republican...ah don't do anything except remind them that voting day for national elections has been changed to February 9th.
- Corrupt your nieces and nephews with Republican parents. Talk about global warming and the monster deficit they're going to get stuck with because their folks needed a tax break to fit spa trips and golf weekends into the family budget. If they're under five just teach them to say "Bush Sucks".
- Remember that 1 through six are just jokes. Enjoy your holiday. Savor the food and the time you spend with your family. Eat, drink, laugh, reminisce, and remember that blood is thicker than politics.
One last thing. A little shout of thankfulness to all of you who have participated in and supported this chapter, I am soooo thankful for the wonderful people I have had the pleasure to get to know, converse, drink and laugh with over these last two years. Have a great holiday kids. See you December 3rd.
Liberally and thankfully yours,
Judy
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Breaking News: Glenn Beck Wrestles Limbaugh For 'Big Fat Idiot' Title
Happy Friday Liberal Drinkers!
I trust you all are starting to recover from your mid-term election hangover. Now we all have to patiently wait for January before we witness all the lame GOP ducks waddling off to K-Street or Merck or Exxon etc. to begin/resume their lobbyist careers. But at least we have the GOP toe-sucking media hacks to amuse us with their frantic hair-pulling and cursing us all out for electing the Democrats in the meantime: "You put a WOMAN in as House Speaker! She has a vagina you fools! It's an established fact that vaginas embolden the terrorists!"
Case in point is GOP media-concubine, reinforcer of that charming Republican-Racist stereotype CNN's Glenn Beck (R-Needs To Chug A Tall Glass Of Shut The Fuck Up). While interviewing Keith Ellison, an American citizen democratically elected to represent Minnesota in Congress, Beck asked him to prove he's not going to kill us all with a dirty bomb because....gasp...he ain't a white Kreeeshtjuhn with a comb-over! (Quick aside to CNN: Glenn Beck is the human equivalent of chewing aluminum foil with a mouth full of metal fillings).
I wonder how Glenn or those like him would feel, if just as a hypothetical, Keith Olbermann asked Trent Lott (R-Pointy White Hood) in an interview if he was going to try to bring back racial segregation now that he's been given the #2 seat in the Senate? Which, actually given Lott's past statements and actions, wouldn't be nearly the unfair outrageous out-of-line question Beck asked Ellison. Well, we'd know what would happen..Keith would become MSNBC's Chernobyl correspondent until his contract was up.
You know kids, it's as if the GOP's media flunkies haven't learned one damn thing after the voters cut their masters off at the knees. Fox News sends out an internal memo hunting for proof (real or not) for their 'Terrrrrists Love Democrats' Talking Point, Sean Hannity's uni-brow has morphed into a hairy-headband-of-hate while he spews incoherent false accusations and insults at a grandmother of six who will be the FIRST woman Speaker of the House. Anne Coulter accolytes are sending envelopes of white powder to Air America. Bill O'Really-Needs-Better-Ratings trotted out his 'War On Fictional Jeebus B-Day Haters' a whole two weeks early cuz well he's got nothing else now has he? Does the American public have to draw these feebs on cable news a fucking map to Cluetown before they realize we don't buy that tired Orwellian crap they keep flinging at us like angry chimpanzees?
While we won the first battle for checks and balances November 7th. We have yet to win the second, which is just as important, the one for a fair accurate unbiased news media- the 'fourth branch' of government. An informed electorate is essential to democracy. And, I don't know about you but I'm tired of watching these hacks insulting our intelligence, lying to us about what's really going on, witholding information to protect politicians, exhibiting blatant bias for the right while not allowing the left an equal voice on the airwaves our tax dollars paid to create and our monthly bills pay to support. If we want to hold onto a balanced government, if we want to restore and maintain the check on power. We must be as passionate about forcing news organizations into serving that role as we are about electing the right people into office. For more information on this very important issue check out: http://www.stopbigmedia.com/ , http://www.fair.org/index.php, http://www.freepress.net/
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it. Thomas Paine "
Please join us this Sunday at Sullivan's Irish Pub on Madison Avenue in Lakewood, Ohio. We will lift a glass to toast the spirit of Thomas Paine, a true journalist, a rebel-patriot whose published words spurred the men of his time to revolt against their British occupiers and lay their lives on the line to found this country we love.
Liberally Yours,
Judy
I trust you all are starting to recover from your mid-term election hangover. Now we all have to patiently wait for January before we witness all the lame GOP ducks waddling off to K-Street or Merck or Exxon etc. to begin/resume their lobbyist careers. But at least we have the GOP toe-sucking media hacks to amuse us with their frantic hair-pulling and cursing us all out for electing the Democrats in the meantime: "You put a WOMAN in as House Speaker! She has a vagina you fools! It's an established fact that vaginas embolden the terrorists!"
Case in point is GOP media-concubine, reinforcer of that charming Republican-Racist stereotype CNN's Glenn Beck (R-Needs To Chug A Tall Glass Of Shut The Fuck Up). While interviewing Keith Ellison, an American citizen democratically elected to represent Minnesota in Congress, Beck asked him to prove he's not going to kill us all with a dirty bomb because....gasp...he ain't a white Kreeeshtjuhn with a comb-over! (Quick aside to CNN: Glenn Beck is the human equivalent of chewing aluminum foil with a mouth full of metal fillings).
I wonder how Glenn or those like him would feel, if just as a hypothetical, Keith Olbermann asked Trent Lott (R-Pointy White Hood) in an interview if he was going to try to bring back racial segregation now that he's been given the #2 seat in the Senate? Which, actually given Lott's past statements and actions, wouldn't be nearly the unfair outrageous out-of-line question Beck asked Ellison. Well, we'd know what would happen..Keith would become MSNBC's Chernobyl correspondent until his contract was up.
You know kids, it's as if the GOP's media flunkies haven't learned one damn thing after the voters cut their masters off at the knees. Fox News sends out an internal memo hunting for proof (real or not) for their 'Terrrrrists Love Democrats' Talking Point, Sean Hannity's uni-brow has morphed into a hairy-headband-of-hate while he spews incoherent false accusations and insults at a grandmother of six who will be the FIRST woman Speaker of the House. Anne Coulter accolytes are sending envelopes of white powder to Air America. Bill O'Really-Needs-Better-Ratings trotted out his 'War On Fictional Jeebus B-Day Haters' a whole two weeks early cuz well he's got nothing else now has he? Does the American public have to draw these feebs on cable news a fucking map to Cluetown before they realize we don't buy that tired Orwellian crap they keep flinging at us like angry chimpanzees?
While we won the first battle for checks and balances November 7th. We have yet to win the second, which is just as important, the one for a fair accurate unbiased news media- the 'fourth branch' of government. An informed electorate is essential to democracy. And, I don't know about you but I'm tired of watching these hacks insulting our intelligence, lying to us about what's really going on, witholding information to protect politicians, exhibiting blatant bias for the right while not allowing the left an equal voice on the airwaves our tax dollars paid to create and our monthly bills pay to support. If we want to hold onto a balanced government, if we want to restore and maintain the check on power. We must be as passionate about forcing news organizations into serving that role as we are about electing the right people into office. For more information on this very important issue check out: http://www.stopbigmedia.com/ , http://www.fair.org/index.php, http://www.freepress.net/
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it. Thomas Paine "
Please join us this Sunday at Sullivan's Irish Pub on Madison Avenue in Lakewood, Ohio. We will lift a glass to toast the spirit of Thomas Paine, a true journalist, a rebel-patriot whose published words spurred the men of his time to revolt against their British occupiers and lay their lives on the line to found this country we love.
Liberally Yours,
Judy
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Breaking News: Bush's Brain Lobotomized
Hellooooooo Liberal Drinkers!
Humor me for a moment kids. I have one last message for K-Rove, Satan's albino bastard son:
Kiss my liberalsecularhomoagendapromotinpeaceniktreehugginfeminazi ass! Never ever ever underestimate the power of a lot pissed off Americans over dirty corporate lobbyist money, your passe sloganeering and tired dirty tricks. Looks like your corpulent corrupt pasty tender bum is going to be spending time in Shotgun Cheney's 'naughty' room. Not to worry Rovey-poo, remember the United States does not torture. Buck up you evil little camper; I even have an idea for your 'safe word', how 'bout Pelosi.
My, that felt good. For those of you that missed Tuesday night's festivities I have to tell you I felt like I was watching the Brown's win the Super-Bowl but instead we got to send one to the US Senate! Sullivan's was packed with liberals and we were hooping and hollering every time a red seat turned blue; which was so often we had to lubricate our throats with frosty irish brews to keep our voices strong.
It's difficult to pick my favorite part of the 2006 Mid-Term Elections but here are my top ten:
Humor me for a moment kids. I have one last message for K-Rove, Satan's albino bastard son:
Kiss my liberalsecularhomoagendapromotinpeaceniktreehugginfeminazi ass! Never ever ever underestimate the power of a lot pissed off Americans over dirty corporate lobbyist money, your passe sloganeering and tired dirty tricks. Looks like your corpulent corrupt pasty tender bum is going to be spending time in Shotgun Cheney's 'naughty' room. Not to worry Rovey-poo, remember the United States does not torture. Buck up you evil little camper; I even have an idea for your 'safe word', how 'bout Pelosi.
My, that felt good. For those of you that missed Tuesday night's festivities I have to tell you I felt like I was watching the Brown's win the Super-Bowl but instead we got to send one to the US Senate! Sullivan's was packed with liberals and we were hooping and hollering every time a red seat turned blue; which was so often we had to lubricate our throats with frosty irish brews to keep our voices strong.
It's difficult to pick my favorite part of the 2006 Mid-Term Elections but here are my top ten:
- Ken 'Bush's Nutty Buddy' Blackwell concedes like..oh I don't know...immediately.
- Rick 'Santorum' Santorum' makes his concession speech surrounded by his eerily 'Children of The Corn'-like brood.
- Macacaberg has to find a place in his den at home for his noose & racist flag.
- Conrad Burns got Testered and failed.
- Limbaugh finally admits he really is a big fat idiot
- JD Hayworth of AZ (R-Biff Tannen), Crazy Curt Weldon (R-Under Investigation WMD Hallucinator), Don Sherwood of PA (R-I Beat My Mistress But Not My Wife), Tom Reynolds of NY (R-De Facto Congressional Page Pimp) are all outta the House. Buh-bye!
- How 'bout some cheese with that loss DeWhine?
- Five words: Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.
- Six words: Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. Chew on that Uni-brow Boy!
- Last but not least, two words: BLUE OHIO
Okay, enough of the gloating. Now that we have finally pulled the country back towards sanity for the time being, we must realize that this ain't gonna be easy. For the last six years Dick Cheney has orchestrated an unprecedented executive power grab; that has not changed. The left has a really tough job ahead: Iraq is still a mess and so's the economic state of the middle-class. There's fair trade, energy independence, healthcare, education, national security, an illegal wiretapping program to deal with, and so on. So enjoy this moment, pat yourselves on the back (especially you Chuck) and meet us at Sullivan's Irish Pub on Madison Avenue in beautiful blue Lakewood Ohio to not only promote democracy one pint at a time but secure it for generations to come. See you there.
Liberally yours,
Judy
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