Independence Day

The Preamble To The United States Constitution:

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.


The Bill of Rights Amendments To The United States Constitution:

THE BILL OF RIGHTSAmendments 1-10 of the Constitution
The Conventions of a number of the States having, at the time of adopting the Constitution, expressed a desire, in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of its powers, that further declaratory and restrictive clauses should be added, and as extending the ground of public confidence in the Government will best insure the beneficent ends of its institution;
Resolved, by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America, in Congress assembled, two-thirds of both Houses concurring, that the following articles be proposed to the Legislatures of the several States, as amendments to the Constitution of the United States; all or any of which articles, when ratified by three-fourths of the said Legislatures, to be valid to all intents and purposes as part of the said Constitution, namely:

Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Amendment II
A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

Amendment III
No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Amendment IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Amendment V
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Amendment VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

Amendment VII
In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Amendment VIII
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Amendmen IX
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Amendment X
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

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To honor these rights established by the founders of our government, we must push for the impeachement of Richard Cheney from the Office of The Vice Presidency of the United States. We must insist that Presidential Signing Statements be abolished by law as they are a de facto Line Item Veto ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court in Clinton v. New York.

On this July 4th, please understand that our Constitution has been in jeopardy for quite some time. We can no longer afford to allow our representatives to think we do not care. We must let them know we are active participants in our democracy. Voting is not enough. We must contact them and tell them we do care, we want them to honor the laws of our land and hold those in government who do not accountable.

Men and women died fighting Great Britain for our Independence. Those who dared to sign onto our Constitution were threatened and murdered. Those that came before us died fighting to end slavery. They died fighting for equal rights for minorities and women. They died protesting to end the Vietnam War. The least we can do is take the time to call our Congressmen and Senators and ask them to restore the rule of law and impeach a man that has hijacked our government and spit on our Constitution.

Have a Happy July 4th Liberal Drinkers and please, do more than eat hot dogs and drink beer to celebrate the day our founding fathers signed the document that gave us the foundation of our democracy.

"An elective despotism is not the government we fought for."

- Thomas Jefferson.

But Where Are The Frickin Sharks With Frickin Laser Beams?

Among the multitude of exasperating items in the news this week, the one that has to be my favorite is that the Pentagon has spent 78 Beeeeeellion Dollars researching Gay Bombs, Teleporting, Invisibility Armor and Sharks with...no, not Frickin Laser Beams but chemical implants and cameras.

Who the hell is running the Pentagon these days, a bunch of nerdy sixth grade boys? I imagine one of their chief strategists pitching these ideas as follows: "Dudes!!! I know...I know what we do....let's make the bad soldier guys gay and stuff and then our invisible soldiers can bolt right past the bad guys while you know they're doing all that gay stuff and then and then our soldiers can teleport back to the sea base before the gay stuff wears off the bad guys and meet our awesome sharks with cameras that took pictures of the bad guys doin gay stuff for blackmail."

Then I imagine another Pentagon strategist in the meeting replying: "Whooaaaa! RADICAL IDEA DUDE! Awww shit dudes, I gotta go...Mom just texted me, it's time for dinner..we're havin frickin meatloaf again dudes, sooooo bogus. Later!"

Hold on...no...this whole thing really isn't funny. Now that I think of it, I'm actually pissed off about this. Now my Austin Powers DVD boxed set isn't worth squat, frickin fifty bucks down the drain. How can I laugh at Doctor Evil's ridiculously idiotic plots when my frickin government is just as frickin stupid as a fictional character dreamed up by the funny yet Canadian SNL alum Mike Myers? What's next? A Heat-Seeking Schwinger Missile? Oh....wait, maybe that's what they were going to call the Gay Bomb.

Speaking of Doctor Evil...Dick Cheney has informed Congress that he declared his office is not part the Executive Branch and is therefore exempt from executive orders. Whaaaat?! So what frickin branch is his frickin evil self a part of? Judicial? No, thank Keeeriiist! Cheney on the bench would make Tony 'The Duck Slayer' Scalia look like a member of Code Pink. Congress? Damn, I wish! He'd have been booted out with his GOP buddies last November.

No.... according to this web page, the Office of the Vice President is indeed included as part of the Executive Branch. So Dick's dream of having his very own personal branch of our government (The Corporate Branch?) is, well, delusional. But why would Dick not want to be part of the Executive Club anymore? I know he and Condi don't get on so well. And I'm sure he misses his little Rummy-poo somethin awful. But, it's not 'co-worker' issues vexing our Closet VP, it's oversight.

Dick Cheney has blocked every effort to oversee his 'public service'. And when the Information Security Oversight Office tried to gain access to inspect his historically leaky office as required by executive order, he intervened to block the inspection. When the ISOO appealed to the Justice Department to force compliance, Dick Cheney asked AG Gonzales to abolish the ISOO.

How can Dead-Eye Dick hide his visitor logs from public scrutiny by turning them over to the White House so they would be protected from FOIA laws and then claim that his office is not part of the Executive Branch? Cuz he's Dick 'Frickin' Cheney and he'll frickin hide what he wants when he wants, including himself. So, how do we stop this mad-man that's hijacked our government and declared himself above our laws?

While it would be sooooo gratifying to stuff him into a rocket-sized Big Boy statue and launch him into space rather than dealing with his delusions of uber-grandeur , I imagine that's no more realistic or legal than what Dick's been trying to pull over the last six years. So, we need to write Henry 'Danger' Waxman and encourage his efforts to hold Dick's head under the law. And then we need to support his side-kick, Dennis Kucinich's effort to legally remove Dick from all of the branches of our government.

And if the Congress folk more concerned with 2008 than the present tell us insolent little American people to zip it? Well, we've got a secret weapon of our own. Just give them a one word answer that will make their blood run cold....Bloomberg. Who needs frickin sharks with frickin laser beams? We have the vote.





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All The Rage

Waaa waaa wee waaa! Dubya McNearbeer The Albanian Idol finally found a place other than Texassistan where the crowds don't need to be hand-picked and nobody makes fun of his broken English! Since 79% of the citizens of the country he is supposed to be 'leading', feel the United States is headed in the wrong direction; maybe we could get John Conyers to work out a deal with their President Alfred Moisiu (or as Dubya likes to call him...Alfie The Albanian). Instead of impeaching Bush, we can just deport him to Albania, the one country that likes him. To sweeten the deal we'll throw in a life-time supply of Swatches and O'Douls. Oh yeah, and while you're at it John, see if Transylvania will take Cheney.

This week, while 'Merkans were rapt with schadenfreude at the plight of a poor little rich girl that got thrown in the pokey; a trend formed by corpulent pasty wealthy geezers bent on WWIII has been trying desperately to take off. For weeks they've been trying to blame violence in Iraq on Iran even without any credible evidence. But much to their chagrin, I guess 'Merkans aren't so ready to believe their latest fish tale about weapons. The Neocons even trotted out their favorite Non-Partisan Ass Coverer, Joe Lieberman and had him hit the Sunday talk shows to promote the Bomb Iran idea. Tough luck for them, it turns out that idea is as popular as New Coke and Americans have no interest in further regime change save their own.

Here's a little fact that the overpaid dumb as a bag of door-knobs Democratic strategists haven't a clue about; the United States is not trending towards conservatism and the Democrats do not need to move to the right to get elected. Conservatives actually really really suck at swaying public opinion for extended periods of time and Karl Rove is not the boy genius they think he is. He fashions lies and then tells his charge to just keep repeating his lies. Whoop de fucking doo! Being an asshole does not necessarily make one a genius people.

Sorry but the simple tactic of repeating sing-songy hollow disengenuous phrases ad infinitum does not a real lasting political movement make. Eventually they grow stale and become fodder for the late night comedians to mock. Yeah, yeah I know...the infamous propagandist Goebbels said if you repeat a lie enough it becomes the truth....but as Steven Colbert has illustrated it really only becomes the truthiness. And by the way...Goebbels ended shooting himself in the head.

Let's see...what contemporary Conservative ideals have a shot at becoming an enduring societal trend? Abstinence Only Education? From what I hear, it literally sucks. Creationism? America, please give me a show of hands from those that want medical students who diagnose, operate and prescribe drugs to study the Bible instead of biology text books. Conservative Family Values? Okaaaay...the highest polling GOP candidate has three divorces under his belt and a 25 year old trophy wife. The second highest polling GOP candidate is another serial divorcer that also seems to enjoy cross dressing but since his first marriage was to a second cousin that might help him connect with voters in the reddest of states. Oh yeah, he announced his second divorce during a press conference without telling his wife first and his children don't speak to him. Ohio's own Steve LaTourette used a fax machine to tell his wife he was divorcing her to hook up with one of his young female aides. Two names: Ted Haggard and Mark Foley. And finally...oh the hell with it...just read this.

So I'm just guessing here, but as an amateur trend-watcher I'd say that the 2006 elections that yanked the Congress from GOP was just the beginning of a long trend in America back towards the left of center political position or as I like to call it...sanity. I mean even, it's inventor, believes that Neoconservatism is sooooo yesterday.

And while the Cons have dominated the AM radio dial for decades, the left was messing around with Al Gore's silly internets. Gee, I wonder which of those two will be the bigger influence on our society twenty years from now?

Chicken Hawk Littles

Okay. Unlike the latest round of Bushies testifying in AttorneyGate, I can recall my past statements and admit to you all that I finally broke down...I watched the Democratic POTUS debate in New Hampshire last Sunday night with my fellow Cleveland Liberal Drinkers. Yeah, I know, I steadfastly and resolutely stated that it was too early for this shit. But I'm a weak-kneed Frenchified liberal remember? You know the type..those that want to fight Al Qaeda with spitballs and let Al Gore's Hippy Commie Pinko Brigade force me to use just one measly square of TP to wipe my ass?

Duh! I'm nothing like the brave patriotic Republix RNC Chairman from Arkansas who says we need more 9/11's and that not enough innocent Merkan civilians can receive the honor of dying in order to prove The Decider is always right! Sigh, the sheer bravery it must take to follow one verrry unpopular man's ever changing words and rationale for invading a country based on manufactured intelligence and the guidance of gutless military-service-avoiding theorists. I am in awe.

Anyway, the Mediacracy disappointed as usual....just the most dumbass yet lazy questions by Wolf 'Puhleeeeeze Don't Hurt Me Uncka Dick' Blitzer I'd ever heard. He asked the slate to raise their hand to answer more questions than an all-day kindergarten teacher with a wicked hangover. It would not have shocked me in the least if Wolfie asked them to raise the left hand if they needed to go 'Number One' or the right one to go 'Number Two'.



And if you hadn't noticed yet; the non-pee-pee/ca-ca questions to the Dems from the Fourth Estate (cough) Cocktail Weenie/Martini Snarfing Mediacracy tended to basically follow GOP talking point framing. The only candidate willing to call that b.s. was John Edwards. He's right. There is no 'War On Terror' and it's merely a 'bumpersticker phrase' the woefully shallow GOP need to retain their grasp onto power. As Keith Olbermann has so adeptly illustrated in two segments: The Inaugural WOT Administration has not tried to prevent any disaster except bad press for themselves and good press for their political opponents. And that's exactly why they push the WOT myth. Well, that and to make their corporate masters ginormous loads of cash. But to illustrate my case, I'll re-cap the achievements of the GOP's beloved War On Terror:

• NOT ONE of the U.S. terror scares over the last few years has been successfully tied to Al Qaeda, Sadaam or the Iraq insurgency.

• In every single instance, the NSA Warrantless Domestic Spying program has NOT played a part in 'thwarting' the plots they've so successfully PR'd to make 'Merkans piss their pleated Dockers/High-Waisted Security Mom Jeans.

• In every instance, the perpetrators were unearthed with old-fashioned police work and the cases have ended up in the courts handled by slimy trial lawyers just as they had during that evil Clinton Administration.

• The supposed 'liquid bomb' terror plot that originated in Great Britain resulted in most of the defendants being set free. Great Britain does not make their air passengers limit their liquids or gels to 3 ounces or less and what can fit into a Gladd sandwich bag. I spent several weeks in Florida this past winter without hair products. You want terror? Force women to endure flat or frizzy hair for weeks because NOBODY packages an affordable decent hair-styling product in a bottle less than 4 ounces. I was ready to bite someone's ear off after weeks of enduring bad hair.

• Terrorism has increased since we invaded Iraq, globally, with the highest increase of course inside of Iraq.

• The 'Shoe Bomber' came from and was on a flight from Great Britain, and yet Great Britain does not require their air passengers to take their shoes off and run them through an X-ray machine before they can go to their gates.

• How come we are supposed to fear terror on our shores when they all told us that we are fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them here?

So all the macho fear-mongering the Grossly Obtuse Prevaricating party has slung at us like pissed off monkeys do with feces over these last six years and continue to sling during their POTUS debates is nothing but a smoke-screen or.. poop-screen if you will. There is no War on Terror. It's nothing but their desperate attempt at stealing votes and controlling the masses.

Unfortunaely, Sunday evening Hillary joined her GOP colleagues by tucking her brains and ovaries somewhere no one would dare venture and playing the Rudy 'Adulterous 9/11 Profiteer' Giuliani Card at Sunday's debates by posturing herself as some kind of lame wannabe ChickenShitHawk....cuz she's a real New Yawkah yah know...fuckin-A We are safer than we were before Nine-Eeee-leven and Mama Walmart will keep us that way!

America is tired of their leadership using 9/11 to beat them into submission. I imagine that's why Obama's message of hope and Edwards' of pragmatism are so popular. And America is starting to realize there are many other issues unrelated to phantom boogeymen with their evil-doer plots and more germane to their daily lives.

The Henny Pennies in or seeking to gain power need to worry about stemming global climate change and it's affect on agriculture, the fact the Gulf Coast is still a mess from Katrina, the growing income gap, the cost of health care and energy, fair trade policies, workers rights, affordable college, living wage job creation, restoring habeas corpus, the current degradation of our Clean Air/Water acts and so on...these are problems with far greater long term dire implications to millions of people than the red herring 'War On Terror' both parties seem so infatuated with.

For many other reasons unrelated to terrorism our sky might really be falling. During these debates, we'll see who is more interested in working to prop it back up in order to keep us safe allowing us to grow and solve problems or who prefers to use it's impending crash to keep us all in perpetual fear to grab power.

AAAAARRRRGHHHH!!!!!

At a press conference this Thursday, Dubya McNormanBates illustrated that he is mother-effing-off-the-chain-batshit-call-the-men-in-the-white-coats-crazy. David Gregory (R-Beltway Cocktail Weenie Eater) had the nerve to ask a question other than "How can you be such a strong steadfast and resolute leader? Is it cuz you talk to God?" Sooooooo, The Spooker In Chief proceeded to tell Gregory in his trademark basic language that: "Osama's gonna git your kids! He's gonna kill 'em all dead! That's why you darin to ask me all your smart-guy questions is gonna get 'em murdered dead by them there Islamofascists we created by invadin Iraq! Ooga Booogaa Boogaa!" Alright....he didn't really say 'Ooga Booga'.....but you can clearly see in his face how badly he wanted to.

This is the man the Democrats cannot stand up to on the Iraq Funding Bill? A man who has a 29% approval rating and an administration imploding under the weight of it's corruption and cronyism? A man who has taken to scare-mongering the milquetoast DC Beltway White House Press Whorps with threats of their children being murdered in response to fair questions about his policy and leadership? Even our wild-life knows this pathetic little man is full of shit. Are you fucking kidding me Reid? Newsflash Ms. Pelosi, the left didn't put your asses in the majority because we blindly follow whoever holds the gavel.

Democrats are fine with using those who are passionate about the issues and protecting the Constitution to get elected. They excite us with hearings and investigations that have yet to result in legal action against the offenders who used their office and/or access to our government to steal money and grab power. And, no laws have been passed to prevent further abuse. So when it's time for them to come through on the most important promise they made to the American people, which was to end the Iraq debacle? They allow pea-brained Fox Noise Propagandists to beat them back into a corner like a Gitmo detainee. Is all of this nothing but the political theater the Republix claim it to be? I don't know, but if I were to pick my choice for POTUS right now, it would be Keith Olbermann.

My mom was fond of responding to my rebellious teenage rants with the age-old phrase: 'Honey you just can't fight City Hall' or in other words 'the people have no power'. Either I finally convinced her that I was right or knowing her time was short, she felt she had nothing left to lose, irregardless...she started fighting it right along with me during her last year. She signed petitions, sent money to campaigns, argued with detractors (including her husband), and voted for a party she'd never had voted for before. And as I write this, I hear the news the Senate passed the Iraq Occupation Extension Bill. I'm sick to my stomach, my heart feels like it's being squeezed by a rich white meaty blood-stained hand. I thanked her for joining my fight during our last precious time together. Sorry Mom, wherever you are....maybe I was wrong and you were right after all. It looks like City Hall has won again.

Others' Mother's

As embarrassing as this is to admit, it was just about one year ago that I learned the origin of Mother's Day began with a peace movement. It was one of those head-slapping moments. Of course! Who first and foremost but those that put their entire being into raising a child would fight for peace? It explains my own mother's change of political heart before she died. When we would talk politics leading up to the 2004 election, she told me that she voted for Nixon because he promised to end the Vietnam War and then shortly after he won office, he carpet-bombed Cambodia. So when the Bush administration pushed to go to war in Iraq, she knew better than to trust their word. As Dubya McAWOL really meant to say..."Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you." Or a better example of wisdom might be from Spanky of The Little Rascals: 'You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can't fool Mom'.
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Imagine what Iraqi mothers have been experiencing over these many years. Their child goes off to school, some fundamentalist extremist asshole sets off a car bomb as that child seeks to enter the school's doors and in an instant the love of their life is dead. Or what about the victims of the forgotten war in Afghanistan? Their daughters witness fundamentalists executing their teachers for teaching girls. How do you deal with that? How do you deal with telling your daughter her teacher was murdered for teaching her? And how (or do) you continue her education? Iraq's universities are under constant attack and many professors have been assassinated. Do Iraqi and Afghani mothers encourage their children to further their education at such a risk? Or do they keep them holed up at home ensuring their children never realize any of their dreams and condemning them to a life of poverty?

In many a third world country; large corporations have destroyed the environment, enslaved the populace into forced labor, bought off the local governments, murdered leaders who wanted to do right by the people and left mothers with only polluted water and arid land with which to feed their children. If those children don't die of hunger, they die from diarrhea from the bacteria in their water or from AIDS because US foreign aid currently under the Bush Administration, forbids funding condom education. In some of these regions; government militias easily manipulate the populace with fear, rape and murder of the children. Or they kidnap the children and force them into becoming murderers themselves. What goes through the mind of a woman in Darfur while she in the throes of pain during the delivery of her child? Does she dare hold any hope of a future for that child's life? Does she worry the boy she has just brought into this world may someday kill her?

In China and other third world nations, mothers and their children work seven days a week, 14 hours a day... sometimes till they drop dead, so Americans can buy cheap crap at the local ExploitMart. My brother is a VP for a shipping company, he told me that the United States' largest export is used paper that is recycled and made into boxes in China to hold all that cheap crap they manufacture and ship to the U.S. Yep, you heard right. America's largest export is our own waste. Do the poor sweatshop worker mothers of China hold their newly born infants on their chest, breathing in their scent, offer a pinky finger for their newborn to grip and kiss their fragile forehead while feeling hope this child will get to live a good life? If so, how long does that hope last till their reality sets in?

My mom was always there to give me hope and champion or give guidance on whatever I wanted to do. And save for legality or common sense, she never put any restrictions on what I could do with my life. She was an Irish-American female force of nature that didn't take any crap and was, as she characterized herself , 'a lioness protecting her cubs'. But, save the occasional 'Liver For Dinner Night' my siblings and I never went hungry. Though I know she would have, she never had to throw her body on top of any of us to shield us from a car bomb. Being an American citizen whose parents made it into the middle-class after emigrating two generations prior, she knew her kids would never sew cheap garments 100 hours a week to make pennies a day.

So since this coming Sunday is Mothers Day, I hope that anyone reading my guilt ridden rant (Duh! it is Mother's Day, what else did you expect?) decides to take some time to honor the true origin of this day and do something about peace and helping all the 'other mothers' that deserve to share the same hope we here in America do, for their own children. Oh yeah... and don't forget to comb your hair, tuck in your shirt, take out the garbage, clean your room and shut the door already! You weren't born in a barn were you?

Back To The Future

Fellow Liberal Drinkers, I did not watch the Republican POTUS debates. I stand steadfastly and resolutely by my previous statements that it's way too freaking early for this shit. But, I did spend several minutes watching Chris Matthews' pre-show on MSNBC. If I heard him lovingly reference Ronald Reagan in a Jeff Gannonish-way twenty times, I heard it a thousand and not just because the debates were being held at Reagan's tomb. I'll get to that disturbing little fact later. But for the time being...Eeeewww! Anyway, what I got from my mercifully short viewing of MSNBC's 'DC Pundits With Dead Man-Crushes Gone Wild', is that they and the GOP believe what America needs and wants from them is another Ronny.

Do they long for a president that will be mentally incapacitated his entire second term? Does the nostalgia of a nuclear arms race with the former Soviet Union bring a tear to their eye? Or is it just that they miss those good old days when their scandals were slightly fewer and the biggest one merely involved selling arms to Iran? Can't say that I blame them completely, seeing that their Commander Guy and his gang of Rubber Stampers are responsible for the Scandal Tsunami that swept their dreams of a one-party state far out of reach last November. Or maybe it's just that they miss the 'glamour' of the 80's....wanton greed, snorting coke and being called Yuppies...

I don't remember much good about Reagan or the 80's. I will forever hate that pink-cheeked mentally-demented SOB for refusing to acknowledge HIV/AIDS as a major health threat . Former Reagan Administration Communications Director (and current MSNBC pundit) Pat Buchanan, claimed that AIDS was 'nature's revenge on gay men'. Reagan's position on HIV/AIDS not only contributed to the spread of the disease but fomented the heinous persecution and discrimination of dying people.

I remember his skinny reeyoch beyotch of a wife telling poor folks to 'Just Say No' to drugs; the twentieth-century's equivalent to 'Let Them Eat Cake'. I remember Reagan tried to get ketchup classified as a vegetable for the lunches we provide poor and low-income school children after he called all of their mom's 'Welfare Queens'.

I remember my middle-class parents struggling with high interest loans and higher taxes. They had two kids graduating from college during the middle of his first term and two more entering college at the beginning of his second. I don't think my poor mom even smiled even once that entire decade. I remember huge budget deficits and the destruction of the air traffic controller's union. Reagan's domestic policy screwed both the poor and the middle-class equally.

In 1984, the same year I graduated from high-school, the Doomsday Clock inched the closest it ever had towards 'midnight' due to Reagan's nuclear arms policy. A movie starring Matthew Broderick about the near nuclear annihilation of our planet, called War Games, was nominated for 3 Oscars in 1983. Another 1983 movie gem which was made for TV, called The Day After, about what would happen the day after we bombed the crap out of each other with nukes, was all the talk in the hallways of my high-school. The 80's were scary as hell.

I remember that we lost John Lennon in the 80's and to this day I dream of how he would have been another brave vital voice against the malicious idiocy of the Bush Administration and their vacant-eyed-drooling followers.

The Republicans want to give Americans another Reagan? The last guy they shoved down our throats, Dubya, is Reagan on steroids, booze and cocaine. And incidentally just as mentally incapacitated albeit in a different way. I haven't been this frightened of the state of our nation or world since Reagan was president.

Personal aside to the GOP: For reasons I list above Ronny was not the best your party has offered America. How about another Roosevelt, Lincoln or Eisenhower instead? Not only were they much better examples of true leadership but they are just as dead as Ronny so you can satisfy your morbidly obsessive creepy stalker-ish tendencies by debating at their grave-sites as well.

The current decade under Republican leadership is even scarier and crappier than the last one they gave the American people. Instead of the Doomsday Clock we have the Rapture Watch. Instead of a nuclear race, our illegal invasion of Iraq has radicalized millions of Muslims against the west. Instead of HIV/AIDS, we have accelerated global warming and climate change threatening to wipe out the human race. We cannot afford another 'The Next Reagan'.

For our sake, let's hope that 2008 will be the year that the GOP realizes that going back in time to fix the future is only possible on a studio lot in California. Hello...McFly!

A Farewell to....Sex.

When Dubya McAwol was informed of the tragedy at Virginia Tech, he publicly expressed his condolences to the families of the victims and in the next breath reiterated his belief in right of 'Merkans to bear arms. Ya think he could have waited a day or two after the families got over the initial shock before he sent his big wet butt-smooch to the NRA over the airwaves? This is further proof that it really is for the best he doesn't attend military funerals.

The GOP (R-The NRA's Beyotch) seems to think more guns are the answer to mass murder on campus. Arm the students! Arm the teachers! Arm the lunch-lady! Yeehaw! They fancy themselves Rambos in their wet dreams while avoiding the real life gunfights they could experience if they had the balls to enlist. Those Republix just crack me up. If all 'Merkans (including the brown, poor, atheist, gay and female ones they don't like) really did carry guns those chicken-hawk turds wouldn't leave their basements.

Speaking of stinky reich-wingers: today the SCOTUS upheld the Machievellian late-term abortion ban passed & signed during the last Congress by smug old white guys that need a Cialis drip to get it up enough to take a standing piss. Thanks to Samuel Alito, the man who wrote the anti-choice game-plan for eliminating female reproductive rights for Reagan, this decision was made into the law of the land with no exceptions for the welfare of the mother. Gee, I wonder what other future medical decisions Bush's Supreme Court will make for us little folk?

Sadly, as long as the NRA keeps the GOP and the DLC Dems in their pocket; it will be a miracle if we see the common sense gun reform a large majority of us support - let alone an end to tragedies like VT or Columbine. While we cannot count on even the Democrats to stop the Right Wing War On Uteri, there is something we 'Merkan women can do as far as this SCOTUS decision is concerned. We can withold all sex (including oral) from our male partners until Congress passes new legislation on this procedure that ensures the health and welfare of women.

No sex means no pregnancy which means not putting ourselves in harms way just to ensure the survival of the human race. Let's see how expendable 'Merkan men think women are after six lonely months with Rosie Palm, her five sisters and the stark reality of their DNA coming to a halt with their own passing.

I Know I Am But What Are You?

So, a grizzly racist sexist buffoon lost his show for being the jerk-off he is. Can't say I'll miss Imus' affectionate terms for Jewish folks or black people or women, or other societal groups he obviously didn't like because they weren't white, the correct religion or male enough.

I don't know where the white males of the correct religion who are the DC political and journalistic elite will go for their network legitimized frat-boy humor anymore, but....Hillary Clinton got the last laugh now, didn't she boys? And unlike old Donny, she still has a J-O-B! Ha! I guess the I-Man has just learned what a ruthless bitch karma can be. Aw. OK enough gloating. Please read these posts by Barbara Ehrenreich and Nina Burleigh on the subject, I guarantee a chuckle or two.

Our communication as a whole has become a whole lot coarser over the years granted but, sorry white folks, you cannot blame Hip-Hop alone for this phenomena. Black people and Hip-Hop artists did not invent the N-word nor were they first to put it to use as a derogatory term for black people. No - that honor goes to caucasians. Women didn't invent the word 'bitch' nor did they think 'Hey, what a neat nickname for ourselves!', that honor goes to men. And finally, gay people didn't get together one day and think 'You know what I'd like to be called? F***ot has a nice ring to it!' No - that honor goes to heterosexuals. In every case where a derogatory term in our language has been coined and used to demean a group; the majority group with all the power has been the one to do so.

Being a woman, I can understand black and gay people using these derogatory terms in their own way to take the power of those insults away from those who coined and used them to demean. Because I no longer get upset when a man calls me a bitch, I just think 'Yes I am and what are you going to do about it Biff?'. Taking back your own power by taking the power out of their insults feels good and right.

I'm not about to let the Hip-Hop culture totally off the hook, some artists use language that promotes sexism and violence gratuitously; but many others use some of this derogatory language to express the societal condition they know. Don Imus cannot blame Hip-Hop for the impetus that drove him to call those girls 'ho's', he's a good old cowboy that promotes country music for f**ks sake. He used those words to put down women playing sports.

I know lots of folks are upset at how much coverage the Imus thing has gotten over other news but I have to tell you I am relieved a guy like him was exposed. It's not news that we have a race problem in this country but our ingrained sexism came to light when Imus and his gang of sexists giggled when calling a group of young tough women kicking serious butt on the basketball court "ho's".

This brouhaha isn't going to 'destroy free speech' as the wimpy Rush Limbaugh and other white male 'shock jocks' seem to fear. What they fail to understand is that free speech is not without consequence. Of course they still have their constitutional right to call me a bitch or a ho; but that doesn't mean I have to shut up and take it. It's just as much my right to stand up for myself and say to them: "Women are responsible for most of this nation's household purchasing decisions and I think I'll give your advertisers a little jingle. Oh and another thing, that's Mrs. Supreme Bitch-ho to you and don't you forget it".

Women Behaving Badly

Sigh. These days women just refuse to know their place. If it isn't Rosie O'Donnell getting Bill 'O Falafelly all red and splotchy in the face or Elizabeth Edward's refusal to crawl in a hole and die; it's that uppity Nancy Pelosi thinking that just because she's third in line for the presidency and leader of the co-equal branch of our government she can go on a diplomatic mission.

It's been quite amusing to witness all the Con-men getting their starched name-tagged BVD's twisted up over Pelosi's trip to Syria. Dubya called it a 'bad decision' (unlike all his GREAT decisions right?). The wingnut blogosphere screamed in typical hypocritical faux-feminist outrage: 'Eeeek! She wore a headscarf'. Yosemite John Bolton said: Well tarnation! 'She's just bein counter-productive!' . The Washington GOPost Talking Point Page harrumphed: "She's trying to run a shadow presidency!" And finally, Dick 'The Mad Lurker' Cheney lamented to a fellow fat-ass fat-cat that Nancy's been a baaaadd girl....you see he's the only one allowed to run a shadow presidency.

Naturally, not a one mentioned that Bad Boys of their own party had been taking in the Syrian sights of late. Where are the harrumphing 'counter-productive, bad-decision, shadow-presidenting' accusations for these guys? Are they off the hook because they didn't wear head-scarves? Oops! Silly me! I completely forgot the conservative double-standard rule! They were men and they were Republican..duh! The GOP Syria delegation could have taken Osama Bin Laden out for an all-night titty-bar hopping binge and Sean Hannity would have declared them Patriots.

Not to be outdone by the guys, old boy's club member wannabe and CNN punditute Suzanne Malveaux (R-Bushiette In Training) has exhibited the worst case of penis-envy I've witnessed in a long time. Sorry kids, Anne Coulter doesn't count; there's no envy there. And Michelle Malkin is fine with not having a penis, it's them foreign-looking folks that freak her right out. Anyhow, I digress. Back to the boy named Sue.

While filling in for Wolf 'Please Don't Hurt Me Mr. Cheney' Blitzer on The Situation Room this week, Catty Sue claimed Ms. Pelosi (third in presidential succession and leader of Congress) has no standing to embark on diplomatic trip to Syria and that it was a 'big wet kiss' for their president. MEEE-OW Malveaux! What's her angle? Helen Thomas' front seat in the White House Press Corps Briefing Room? Or perhaps behind the podium? Geez, and I thought Blitzer was a GOP toe-sucking hack! It just goes to show that the old saying is true: anything a boy can do a girl can do better.

And it's obvious that old saying is exactly why the Cons & their media concubines can't stand Nancy Pelosi...she's a really good effective Speaker, better than anyone they could come up with. She'd never get a Medal of Honor or a "Heck of a job Nan!"from Dubya. The Cons don't like leaders, they like followers. They eschew competentcy in favor of scapegoating. They prefer fear over respect. They despise government and Pelosi is showing Americans what good government can do...which is a hell of a lot better than we've had the last six years.

United States, Inc.

Reason #45,983 why Republicans should not be allowed within breathing distance of education policy: today former Fox News spokeshole Tony 'I Don't Know' Snow stood at the podium in the briefing room and told reporters 'Congress does not have over-sight responsibility over the White House'. Does he mean that Congress cannot approve the caterers for state dinners? They can't order pruning of The Rose Garden? Maybe he thinks that Congress might sanction Barney for taking a crap in the Lincoln Bedroom. Alas, while Snow is a tad on the simple side he's not that simple.

Snow's statement had no other meaning than he believes Congress has no responsibility to act as a check on the Executive and that Congress is not an equal branch. Snowjob should audition as a contestant on that new show on his old network "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?"...he might learn something about government which might be of use.

Implying that Snow is just ignorant regarding the framework of our system of government is likely inaccurate. The 'Bushies' do not view government as The Founders had or most Americans do. This administration is led by and rife with private-sector cronies that view government as a corporation. They look at Congress as middle-management tasked with implementing upper management (administration) policy. They do not understand that the Executive Branch is there to 'execute' the laws passed by Congress, not the other way around. When Congress fails to 'play ball' they get 'a warning' from BushCo, like here, here, here, here and here.

As is often common in corporate culture, becoming a valuable team player in BushCo does not necessarily require education, talent or experience applicable to the department where one is placed- it just takes loyalty and unquestioning obedience. Another trait BushCo and corporate culture have in common is that when one of the big bosses screws up, they fire the loyal underling that did as he/she was told. George Lakoff explains this is how conservatives 'hold themselves accountable'.....when caught in a scandal, they fire those who followed the bad policy rather than those who developed and implemented it.

For six years prior to November 2006, The Warner-In-Chief didn't have to worry too much about Congress disobeying his orders. But, as Mama Boxer told that James Inhofe (R-Tantrumtown), elections have consequences. So after six long years citizens are getting a refresher course on how our government was meant to operate.

No executive be they public or private sector has the 'privilege' to use their office in an unethical or illegal manner. The 8 federal prosecutors involved in Gonzo-gate were not fired for national security concerns. They were not fired for poor job performance. They were fired because they brought cases against corrupt Republican officials and refused to prosecute phantom 'voter fraud' cases.

There are some out there who are upset that Gonzo-gate distracts from the issue of Iraq but they shouldn't be. We cannot tolerate an Executive branch that puts itself above the laws of our land and views our of/by/for the people government as their own personal Enron. We are the shareholders of the United States of America and Congress is our Board of Directors. This is the first step in reclaiming our ownership of this country and finally holding the Executives themselves accountable.

Why, You Must Be Mistaken!

This week we learned that our congressionally approved state federal prosecutors 'serve at the pleasure of the president'. Is it just me kids or do you all get a wicked case of the heebie jeebies when you hear that phrase now? It has an icky pervy S&M Master/Slave vibe. Eeeewww! Not only that, I was under the impression that serving at the pleasure of another in any state except Nevada was a felony.

I don't know if Gonzo The Factually Challenged Torture Boy knows this or not (he could), but most of us could actually give a flying crap whether Dubya McPleasurePants receives said emotional gratification or not. His position as the highest elected official of the United States does not exempt him from the law or ethical traditions of his office. In fact, Mr. Bush serves 'at the pleasure' of the citizenry of this nation (eeeewwww!) and it has become way past high time we illustrate this truth to him as he clearly believes otherwise.

The president's pleasure , according to his administration and the other assorted Republix butt-smoochers, is supposed to be of utmost importance to the entire planet dontcha know? The rest of the world has forgotten to show their gratitude for the Iraq invasion and our support of corporations that rape and pillage their natural resources; and this displeases him. Don't they realize that he is The Commander In Chief Of Everything And Then Some?! Sheesh, it's almost like they really don't.

Now folks, don't expect perfection from our pleasure-seeking President or his pleasure-giving followers. I mean, as far as we know, they are human and have illustrated a willingness to admit mistakes. Granted the ownership of said mistakes still remains a mystery, but something tells me this administration would find admitting who made them very unpleasant.

Over the last six years we've heard a lot about The Mistakes that were made: Walter-Gate, Torture-Gate, Katrina-Gate, Abramoff-Gate, Warrantless Spying-Gate, Foley-Gate, Plame-Gate, WMD-Gate, Iraq-Gate, just to name a few..and now we've got Gonzo-Gate! Daahaayammm! That's a whole mother-effing boat-load of mistakes! And they still have their jobs! Hmmmm.

You know kids? I think that I will adopt this ass-covering responsibility-avoidant language for myself! It certainly seems to have worked like a charm for the Bush Administration. Just think of all those pesky consequences of the 'mistakes' I make that I'll be able to get myself out of!

The next time I am pulled over for speeding, I will say "Officer, I admit mistakes were made. First, Volkswagen put an accelerator pedal in this vehicle and it was placed there to use it at my pleasure. Second, speed limits have become quaint. Finally, it is a well-established fact that 'speed limit failure' blame is shared among the local, state and federal governments." Of course, the reasonable officer will succumb to my logic and let me go without even bothering with a silly warning.

Wow, maybe I really should thank Bush! Not paying any price for my wrongdoing opens a whole new world to me! All I have to do is say that a mistake was made and I can do anything I want. I don't have to say who made it. I don't have to say why 'it' was made. I don't have to even give one little smidgen of a detail as to how the mistake came into existence. How exciting! I can't wait any longer....I'm goin for a ride!

Pardonnez Moi?

Good news kids! Our justice system isn't completely broken yet! Scooter Libby, bestial pedophile porn auteur extraordinaire, was convicted on four counts of perjury & obstruction of justice. Fitzy did a bang up job prosecuting this case and will inevitably be rewarded in the standard Bush Administration manner by receiving his pink slip. Had Fitzy thrown the whole thing he would have been eligible for a bright shiny Medal of Freedom; good thing he's one of those guys who isn't into jewelry.

Just over two hours after the verdict was announced, the neocon rag, The National Review posted an op-ed signed by all it's editors called "Pardon Libby Now" on their website. The Wall Street Journal, still too snobby for the internets, published their 'Pardon Libby' whine on snail-news the next day. Surprise, surprise! To summarize both treatises: when a Democrat lies about a blow-job, it's perjury but when a Neocon lies about covering up an act of treason...it's 'criminalizing politics'. Color me shocked.

The bad news? Last night two of the case's jurors were interviewed on the cable news shows and both expressed views that poor little Scooter-pie shouldn't be forced to wear soap-on-a-rope in a communal shower 'cuz he was just covering for his big mean boss! These jurors felt sorry for a man that obstructed an investigation into the illegal outing of a covert CIA agent and their brass plate operation, Brewster Jennings, set up to gather intelligence on WMD's in Iran. They felt sorry for a guy deeply involved in a revenge operation that compromised our national security and drove our nation to war on false pretenses. How disturbing is this scenario? People who judged that this man did in fact commit these crimes that have destroyed so many lives...want him pardoned.

I wonder how 'sorry' these same jurors would have felt for the defendant had this been an average case involving drugs with an average human being who was poor & dealing drugs because asking people if 'they want fries with that' can't pay the bills no matter how many hours a week they work. Would these same jurors be so willing to give the defendant a break? The answer is no. Even when the defendant is the girlfriend or wife named as an accomplice who was not directly involved at all. As someone who has sat on a jury like that, I can tell you the average sympathy for a person in that predicament I described is less than zero.

But, golly gee, put a really nice harmless-looking white guy in a nice suit with a perky perfect white wife standing by his side with a brood of perfectly cute white little private-school-going scrappers who sold the national security of his country out for political power in front of any 'Merkan jury and by gum we gotta pardon that guy! Hell that's the only reason we found him guilty cuz we'd know he'd be pardoned!

Logically it should be the other way around, you'd think we'd hold people of financial privilege and/or education who know better to, at the very least , an equal standard. But the average 'Merkan feels more sympathy for uber-wealthy bubble-people who get away with crap they couldn't than people of their own social standing. For example: Britney Spears should lose custody of her children. Any average woman in this country who publicly flashed her private parts, shaved her head, ran around screaming she is the Anti-Christ, been in and out of rehab four times in two weeks would most definitely lose her children. But not Britney. We're all sooooooo worried about this nutcase.

But the lady down the street who's working three jobs & raising her kids on her own with one four-hundredth of the income Ms. Spears enjoys can't fuck up even once without the fear of losing her children and no jury in our nation would feel one tenth as sorry for her as they would widdle Scooter-pie or Britney-poo.

So, pardon me Libby case jurors, but you are literally delusional if you think Scooter should be shown a shred of mercy. This man promoted a lie that put people in danger and embroiled our nation into a war that has cost us dearly in lives and treasury...not out of loyalty to his country but out of loyalty to an 'idea' he signed onto and out of loyalty to a political party. While you may sympathize with him, he has illustrated that he could give a rat's ass about you. But then again...maybe that's why you liked him sooo much.

Green With Envy White As A Sheet

True story kids. While relaxing on my sofa Tuesday evening watching cable news with my two English Cocker Spaniels napping happily upon my lap, doing their best imitation of an Afghan and keeping me toasty warm on a cold winter evening; my remote control batteries died right when my channel surfing stopped on Fox News during the Squeaky Sean & alan colmes show. Damn! If I get up the dogs will wake up and want to go outside then they'll get all cold and I'm soooo warm and comfy right now.

Then...the camera panned over to some creature...it had long yellow hair, was wearing lot's of whorey makeup and had an adam's apple? Is it one of the Nelson Brothers? No...I remember that their dye jobs were much better and it's wearing a dress.

Suddenly, it opened a ginormous hole in it's face exhibiting rows of large white teeth and a voice that sounded like an amalgamation of Valley Girl and Charles Nelson Reilly emanated from deep inside...."Al Gore and the Liberals want us all to die, they want us all to only use candles and go to the bathroom outside, Al Gore and liberals want to force all the humans on the planet to wear birkenstocks and eat tofu before they kill them all" it brayed.


"Sweet Jesus on a popsicle stick, what the fuck is that?!" I yelled. Needless to say, my wannabe Afghans received the rudest of awakenings when they hit the floor as I jumped off the sofa and ran screaming 'Make it stop! Make it stop' heading for my kitchen to find the battery charger. I tell you guys, I'm still having nightmares and sleeping with one eye open.

Last Sunday evening, a former statesman and tireless activist was honored when the movie based on his powerpoint presentation (of all things) won the Oscar for Best Documentary. On Monday morning, like the green-eyed yellow bellied scared whiter than a sheet freaks of nature they are, the Republix began their smear campaign against Al Gore. Sure, it's all bullshit and a desperate swift-boat job by a hastily thrown together group of a stereotypical pro-corporate oil-industry GOProstitutes.

But, unfortunately this pile of steaming lies has made it around the world a few times and the only US news program that fact-checked the damn thing is Keith Olbermann's Countdown. CNN has repeated the smear without presenting Al Gore's response or looking into the dubious origin and connections of the group who launched it. ABC, ditto. CBS, ditto. Do me a favor kids...especially CNN because the Lou Dobbs show was extra heinous in gleefully repeating the smear without presenting the facts...write these networks and tell them to report the fucking truth for once.

Regardless, I'm wondering, why beat up on Al Gore? Haven't they done that to death? Well, seeing they still blame Bill Clinton for everything from 9/11 to Katrina to Restless Leg Syndrome, I guess I'm being naive. But it's quite evident right now Al Gore has become an even bigger threat to the Republix psyche than any Clinton could hope for. Why?

First, Gore's movie won an Oscar! The only conservative to win an Oscar was Charlton Heston for Ben Hur way back in 1959. Shit, I wasn't even a zygote back then. Their actors suck and will forever be limited to small screen achievement..right Patricia Heaton, Kelsey Grammar, Suzanne Sommers, Pat Sajak? Emmy's aren't ever going to be as good as Oscars you poor things. Go cry in your scotch and find something to sell on QVC.

Second, Al Gore has become cool! No conservative is ever going to be seen as cool. None of their causes or ideas ever have a snowball's chance in Cheney's lair of ever becoming cool. For example: Join the military so we don't have to! Sex is only for procreation! Gay people scare us because we are afraid we might be gay too! If God liked polar bears he wouldn't be drowning them! Black people wanting an apology for slavery are whiners! Unions mean less money for spoiled heiresses and more money for lazy workers! The 9/11 families should shut the fuck up!

See what I mean? Not one of those ideas is ever going to get a public service announcement on MTV, a colored rubber bracelet or an ad campaign with The Gap.

Third, Al Gore won the popular vote in the 2000 presidential election and that was when he was perceived as being an exaggerating stiff! He says he's not going to run in the 2008 race yet he's polling at 14%. Better than all the second tier candidates on both sides. The Republix are pissing in their pleated Dockers at the thought of Al Gore changing his mind and jumping into the race.

The Republix would rather destroy a movement that's sole purpose is to ensure the survival of the human race for eons and to leave their children a planet to thrive upon, than risk a Democrat getting elected as the President of our nation for four years or so. They would rather go to war, allow poison into our air and water causing disease, destroy ecosystems that support agriculture, destroy our few remaining natural wonders than risk losing the power their corporate funders enable them to have...and that's their inconvenient truth.

Dear John

Dear John Q. Troop,

Hello, how are you? Uncle Dick said that Iraq is a roaring success so you must be doing fine! Hopefully we can keep those weakling 'Merka Haters who say otherwise from debating in the Senate so more of your brave brothers in arms can join you soon.

There have been some nasty rumors lately but we both know that lefty liberal mediacrats are behind them. Thank Jaysus you only get good old Rush Limbaugh on the radio there. Can you believe that they are saying you guys shouldn't be forced to take that anthrax vaccine just because it made a few whiners sick? Are those terrorist-emboldeners trying to aid Al Qaeda's evil plan to hurt the big-time 'Merkan profit margins of our pharmaceutical industry or what? Don't worry, we won't let them!

And don't pay any attention to those rumors spread by those Islamolovers that the Bush Administration isn't taking care of you when you come home too hurt to fight for our freedom! Geez! A little missing caulk and chipped paint should be no big deal to someone who's missing a leg or two. I mean, after all, you volunteered and everything.

John, I know you may think that we are leaving you in Iraq for another and that you may think we are more in love with the idea of you than actually in love with you. Sure it looks like we use you to keep those who want truth and accountability off our back. But, it's not like we use all of you to do that. To be honest (for once) John, you are becoming kind of needy. Can't you just come home and be quiet about your so-called problems? Do we have to actually support you with more than platitudes and yellow ribbon magnets? I mean after all, you did volunteer and everything.

We don't want to break up with you John, but if you aren't going to be there for our needs without thinking of your own...well, there are other fish in the sea.

Sincerely,

The Republican Party & Joe Lieberman

You Want The Truth? You Can't Handle The..Hoohaa!

When I think of my mom I think of a woman who was honest and frank which served all of the people in her life well. She didn't hide anything or make up silly names to hide the facts even if it made her uncomfortable. She would not have tried to protect me from something as important as proper vocabulary. Alas, not all are so fortunate.

For example...say one is driving down the street with their child or grandchild in a car and said child sees the word 'vagina' on a billboard advertising a charity benefit with a showing of the play The Vagina Monologues. If the child then asks 'What is a vagina'? ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION! Do not pitch a hissy forcing the theater owner to change the word on the marquee to some demeaning immature nickname because the kid is just going ask 'What is a hoohaa?' instead of 'What is a vagina?'. So, irregardless, you're going to have to answer the damn question. And, who in their right mind would take any adult seriously that believes one term for a part of a woman's reproductive system is some sing-songy word like hoohaa?

If they do not learn the proper term or you act like a freaked out prude about it..that child will one day be a middle-aged adult that is deathly afraid of vaginas and has yet to graduate from a drinking vessel past the sippy-cup. In other words: single, no job, no grandkids, living in your basement, sucking well vodka from a sippy cup, clad in dirty underwear, and feverishly typing hate-filled rhetoric on the Free Republic. Get the picture? So, you can either swallow your embarrassment and tell the kid what a vagina is...or your legacy will be 'I Raised A Unabomber'. Folks, there are consequences for avoiding truth.

This week our House of Representatives is debating the Iraq Occupation and we learned of a word that the Republic Party finds even scarier than vagina and that word is Iraq. Ironically, overly tanned and tearful Republics while afraid of facing the truth in Iraq are not at all frightened of the word 'terror' or accusing 70% of the nation's citizenry of supporting it. A wave of irrational fear has gripped all Goofy Obnoxious Partisans. Rep. Virgil Goode (R-Damn I Wished I Thought of Callin Them 'Macaca' First) is really really ascairt of Muslims because he fears they may vandalize the sancrosanct symbol of our nation- our currency. Red State House Rep Todd Akin (R-The Show-Me What A Dumbass I Am State) expressed his fear for Davy Crockett's lack of Congressional support. Republic water-schluppers are so afraid of black people that the mere thought of one becoming president puts them in denial.

While The Avoider In Chief may not appear to be afraid of the truth, he in fact is so afraid of it that he's created his own parallel dimension where the truth is what he says it is, it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks and no official record of his words are kept: " Iraq? Why I think we're doin a heckuva job! And without a doubt them Ahranians (Shia) supply them bombs to the insurgents (Sunni) killing our soldiers and not the Ahraqi Shia militias! Doesn't make a lick of sense to me either but hey, go figure! Sure that 'evidence' my military fellas gave the press might look a little sketchy, but I'm tellin ya that writin on them bombs is a special Ahranian dialect that just looks like it's somethin else-ya see, it's all in the pronunciation which as you all know is somethin I know a little about. Heh heh heh heh."

The consequences of the Republics' Party truth avoidance has been more costly than the havoc wrought by Ted Kaczinski. Global climate change threatens our very existence. 3,133 American soldiers dead. Nearly 700,000 Iraqis dead. Tens of thousands maimed and/or mentally destroyed. Billions in wasted taxpayer money. A massive debt to authoritarian regimes like China and Saudi Arabia that American children who are now deemed by some too young to understand the word vagina, will end up paying as adults.

A great American president understood that fear and truth if manipulated presented the greatest danger to our freedom than any physical threat could. I don't know about you but I'm tired of those who fear the truth and use fear to distort the truth . The consequences are never paid by those who use the fear but instead by those who are manipulated by it.

It's been said that 'the truth shall set us free' but did you know that Drinking Liberally can set you free as well? No lie. Just join us all this Sunday at Sullivan's Irish Pub on Madison Avenue in Lakewood, Ohio for some truth, freedom, possibly some chicken wings or fish & chips and most definitely some frosty cool adult beverages. See you then!

Time After Time

This post's title is one of the few songs my mother and I both loved when I was a teenager. It's a sweet song about loving someone you can't always connect with while always holding them in your heart . She was born in 1932 and had me in 1965. It's rare for a girl who came of age in the 40's and lived most of her life as a Republican to share an affinity for a song with one who did the same in the 80's and lived her life as a Liberal. As much as you may love someone, it can be difficult to connect because of your differences. But occasionally something as simple as a song can connect people and Ms. Lauper's best song was one that bridged that divide for my mom and I.

My mother and I shared looks I've always been told. We also shared a 'social butterfly' tendency, loud laugh, loud mouth, a twinge of the stereotypical Irish temper and equally stereotypical Irish love of adult beverages. Oh yeah...also red hair; though it's been years since either of us had the real thing. But until recent years, one thing we had never shared was the same politics.

As a Clash-loving rebellious teen I never had any luck convincing my conservative mom that Reagan was a dangerous human hating feeb. As a Green Day-loving liberal grown woman, it was not hard to convince my conservative mom that George Bush was/is what I thought Reagan was...times a thousand. She regretted her 2000 vote for Bush a million times more than she regretted her vote for Nixon decades earlier. My mom voted for Kerry in 2004, registered as a Democrat for the first time in her life in 2006 and voted a straight D ticket.

She would say often in our conversations leading up to the November elections that a part of her was glad she wasn't going to be around for what she thought could be in store for our nation and the world. I knew she didn't mean...'Sucks to be you'...but instead it was her way of asking me 'what are you going to do about it?'. It reminded me of my childhood when she'd say to me after dinner (my daily chore was doing the dishes)...'the dishes don't clear themselves from the table, wash themselves and magically appear in the cupboards' then I'd reply 'No duh Mooooom!' and wash, dry, then put away those uncooperative dishes. So I assured my mom I was doing my part and so were many many people I know, to clean our nation up with as little breakage as possible.

Last week I got to say goodbye to her in person. I tried to tell her everything I needed to and thank her for everything she'd done for me, but choked. When I got back in town, I e-mailed my dad with a list of things I forgot to say to her and he read them to her for me. Among many: I thanked her for getting my dad to let me date, for not taking my car privileges away even though I got into an accident the first time I took it out, for teaching me to stand up for what I believed in, for arguing with me, and for voting the way she did in November.

Last night when I learned she was gone, a flurry of new things I wanted to tell her but would never get to, entered my mind. Then it occurred to me...what I needed was a song.


"if you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time "

Mah Fella 'Merkans...Kiss Mah Ass

Hello Liberal Drinkers!

I know, I know...you have been waiting with bated breath for my SOTU rebuttal. Sure Jim Webb did a bang up job beyotch-slapping the Promise-breaker In Chief, but I have my own piece to say. Here goes:

My Fellow Americans,

If any of you believed one word out of George Bush's whiskey-hole you are the biggest dumbasses on the planet...nay in the universe. If you really did and aren't doing anything this weekend; I'd love to play a few games of poker with you. Please bring a covered dish and your life's savings. Momma needs a new pair of shoes!

Thank you and God Bless 'Merka.

While most of Dubya's speech was nothing more than recyled ca-ca, a few things did pique my interest this time around. The first being what he didn't say. There was not one mention of New Orleans or the Gulf Coast. What happened to the promises he made to the region in the 2006 SOTU? Or during that choreographed Well Lit Jackson Square New Orleans Is Gonna Rise Again Bullhorn Moment? Nothing? No shit. Has he not even shared the promised Rocking Chair/Mint Julep On Lott's Porch Moment with his party's new Minority Leader? No? I suppose if he had; we'd have seen it on an infinite loop on Fox News while Sean Hannity simultaneously creamed his pleated Dockers in a yellow school bus.

Next, I nearly shot a swig of a very nice buttery chardonnay from my nose when Bush brought up his nifty 'tax-break' solution to get all us 'Merkans health insurance coverage. Dude, if I don't make enough money to afford my own health insurance then I don't pay enough income tax to qualify for the effing deduction! That guy's never seen a 1040 in his life has he? Sorry...that's a dumb rhetorical question.

Third, I noticed he failed to acknowledge a very important person in attendance. He gave POTUS props to that guy who saved that kid on the subway tracks in NYC, an immigrant NBA player, a soldier (of course) and some chick who came up with the earth shatteringly brilliant idea of playing classical music to fetuses. Yet one of Hillary Clinton's guests, Cesar Borja Jr. the son of a real American hero, went unacknowledged as did his father. Cesar Sr. died as a result of the Bush administration's intentional incompetence. That Bush invoked the 9/11 tragedy as a knife to twist in our nation's back for the umpteenth time to scare us into accepting the escalation in Iraq; yet failed to acknowledge Cesar Borja Sr. & son speaks volumes.

Finally, heck...I'll just cut and paste this one directly from the transcript:

"A second task we can take on together is to design and establish a volunteer Civilian Reserve Corps. Such a corps would function much like our military reserve. It would ease the burden on the Armed Forces by allowing us to hire civilians with critical skills to serve on missions abroad when America needs them. It would give people across America who do not wear the uniform a chance to serve in the defining struggle of our time. "

Excuse me? Personal aside to Dubya McAwol: Struggle this! If civilians want to 'serve' in your imperialistic clusterf*cks they can apply to Halliburton, Dyncorp, CACI or Blackwater. In that case at least they can sock away a couple of hundred thousand bucks to set their families up before they die in vain. Maybe you could tie this program to your Faith Based Vote Bribery Initiative...sign up just those lucky Kreeeshtjuhns who unconditionally love you for bringing Armeggedon so close to fruition.

There's no telling what direction a Civilian Reserve Corps could lead our nation to...well that's not entirely true. Bush neglects to understand that even his rabid kreeshtjuhn followers are loathe to risk their own hides let alone their spawn's to volunteer to serve in his struggle. Putting the safe sounding 'Civilian' label on the package doesn't fool anyone.

Regardless of what was actually said, Bush's message to the voters who kicked his Rubberstampers to the curb and the new Democratic Majority led Congress boils down to this: Kiss my ass. I'm sending more troops to Iraq and there's nothing you can do about it. And since the last (GOP controlled) session of Congress appropriated a nice chunk of change before they closed for good, he's right. There really isn't anything Congress can do to stop this......for now.

God No Longer Blesses America. But, Can You Blame Him?

Wednesday night's address by the delusional man-boy who fancies himself our president was the rare occasion Mr. Cleveland Drinking Liberally (aka Brian) & I actually listened rather than employ the mute and closed-caption features of our television. Not because we wanted to hear the word 'nuclear' bastardized for the 12,348th time via faux Texan dialect; but we were playing a drinking game associated with the speech and closed-captioning of Dubya McMushmouth's word pronunciation ends up looking like alien (not foreign,think Klingon) language subtitles. So in the interest of achieving the buzz necessary to keep ourselves from tossing objects at the television we can ill afford to replace...we listened.

The first thing we noticed at the end of the speech is that our purported Eeeeekvangelical-In-Chief neglected to close with the standard 'God bless America' or some variation thereof. Since he claims to answer to a 'higher father' rather than his biological version, I naturally assumed he meant God. Now, I think maybe he meant Tommy Chong. Anyhow, it seems even Bush realizes that God has had it up to his eyeballs with a citizenry that hasn't impeached his napoleonic sociopathic incompetent ass. America..no more blessing for you!

To convince Congress and America that this time he really is The Man With The Plan; Bush told us the following: "These 'new' troops are going to work with Iraqi forces to secure Bagdhad! We're gonna force the Iraqi government to take more responsibility for their security! Iraq is going to spend 10 billion dollars to rebuild infrastructure and create jobs! They're going to get the water & electricity working for the citizens!" Ummm yeah sounds great, except for one problem....ISN'T THAT WHAT WE WERE SUPPOSEDLY DOING THERE FOR THE LAST THREE F**KING YEARS COMMANDER SH*T-FOR-BRAINS? NEW STRATEGY MY ASS!

Okay. I suppose I'm being a bit unfair, Bush did announce one new strategy:

"Succeeding in Iraq also requires defending it's territorial integrity-and stabilizing the region in the face of the extremist challenge. This begins with addressing Iran and Syria."

"We are also taking other steps to bolster the security of Iraq and protect American interests in the Middle East. I recently ordered the deployment of an additional carrier strike group to the region."

What word leaps out at you? If you answered 'additional' , you win some duct-tape and plastic for your basement windows. Yes, kids. It seems that while Afghanistan is falling back into the hands of the Taliban and Iraq is on the brink of collapse due to a civil war; The Neococksuckers think poking a big stick at the hornet's nest of Iran is exactly the wise thing to do. Yea! We can't handle two wars so what the hell, let's take on another! They remind me of the Black Knight in Monty Python's Holy Grail... . Iran to America: 'What are you going to do, bleed on me?".

But, so far all the Democrats are proposing (save a few) is a 'non-binding' resolution that rebukes Bush's plan. Whoop-de-fucking-doo. That's not why a good many liberals spent money they could ill afford and precious time away from their families to give them the majority. Congress has the power to stop this madness. The Democratic majority has to finally get it through their insecure heads that we support that effort.

So Liberal Drinkers, please contact your senators and representatives, regardless of party affiliation, to express your dismay for a president who doesn't listen and a Congress that refuses to exercise it's Constitutional war powers. Maybe Dubya thinks that God no longer blesses us because we do not follow blindly; but we don't want either of them to believe we are damned as a result.

We've Got High Apple Pie In The Sky Hopes

Hello Liberal Drinkers,

I was in Florida this past week. The land of Disney (and Tasering Unruly Third Graders). And I had a run in with hope; because when things suck beyond belief even a jaded bitch like me realizes there really is only one other alternative to it. I struggle constantly with hope as many of you may have at times. Is it a waste of time? Does it make the inevitable harder to cope with? Are you fooling yourself? Maybe a miracle will happen. Maybe it won't. But then you realize..your hope is not only for your own peace of mind but for the one you hope for.

A couple of weeks ago I thought of doing some snarky Cleveland DL Year In Review for my first message to you in the New Year; an idea so unoriginal I subconsciously..nay.. literally mocked the shit out of myself for thinking of it. Who the 'eff am I to do a Year In Review? Or more aptly; Do I Want To Spend All That Goddamn Time Going Back Through 12 Months of Messages To Do One? So then...what do I do? What do I write to you all about?

I could eulogize Gerry 'Fuck The East Timorese' Ford or Sadaam 'Fredo' Hussein who was whacked before he was tried for his and our crimes against the Kurds to appease the Gambini..oops I mean..Saudi...oops I mean the Al Sadr Family. By clicking on these links; you know the world is completely fucked up when I actually agree with the perpetually schnockered potentially heterosexual perpetually insecure Christoper Hitchens. Message to CH: 'Alright you scruffy often repulsive, likely odiferous, libertarianeoconicalcholicsemipenised mook...that's enough press for you. A few bouts of sanity-laden prose does not earn you my love, this was strictly a four-link-stand.'

I could write about Dubya McOedipuscomplex who wants to send more troops to Iraq just to piss off the 78% of this nation who thinks he's a batshit impotent incompetent puppet of Satan. But, we've beaten that horse (much like Congress) to death haven't we? I don't know about you but in the next ten years I would like the words 'resolve' and 'steadfast' completely eliminated from the dictionary for at least five decades. Perfectly good words, made irrelevant by one man. What a pity.

But I digress. I really do want to impart that message of hope, in the sense of my hope for others. This coming year:

1.) I hope the Democrats have the stones to take their investigations 'off the table' and into impeachment hearings against George Bush and Dick Cheney.

2.) I hope Oprah Winfrey realizes that inner city American poor kids aren't all that psyched about school uniforms over video games because school uniforms are creepily Orwellian and reek of forced subservient conformity that South African children may not object to, but free-thinking individualistic creative American kids sure the fuck do.

3.) I hope that Dick Cheney has another accident with his shotgun...alone, while cleaning it and recording the video on his cell phone. In a related hope..I hope CNN shows the same restraint in airing the Dick Cheney Gun Cleaning Accident cell-phone video as it had the Sadaam-Hanging cell-phone video.

4.) I hope liberal radio stays on in Columbus. Word is a wildly popular ratings competitive station there is going to be switched back to 'Conservative Radio'. Write the station..tell them Laura Ingraham is NOT progressive. Be sure to include in your critique of the station turnover that Ingraham is a heartless 'See You Next Tuesday'.

5.) I hope the 'Mea Crappa' media crowd of Chris Matthews, Joe Scarborough, Andrew Sullivan et al really take a long fucking look in the mirror....they were sooo gunning for this Iraq debacle up until a year or so ago that they labeled anyone bright enough to question it 'un-American' in the most McCarthy sense of the term. They spent years disparaging large groups of American citizens and excusing the unlawful detainment and torture of American citizens; let alone a misguided view of the Geneva Conventions. Now they publicly say it was wrong? Their current mea culpas are more than a day late (give or take four years) and more than a dollar short (try nearly half a trillion). Welcome to the club boys...pardon us if we do not applaud your entrance. I hope you can stand in front of that mirror, knowing who you are. If I were you I could not.

6.) I hope Keith Olbermann wins an Emmy.

7.) I hope all of you have the best next year imaginable.

8.) I hope the Cleveland Indians change their mascot and win the World Series.

9.) I hope that we finally take steps to curb global warming....NOW.

10.) I hope every liberal minded social drinker in the Cleveland area decides to sign up and become a Cleveland Drinking Liberally member (it's for your own good, really).

And a last one for my mom.

11.) I hope you get to see my neice/your granddaughter Carly graduate from high school.

Hope is the theme for 2007. So tell Britney to put her skivvies back on, fire her publicist, hire a financial planner and become a Democrat. Tell the Republicans that Conservatism is as dead as shoulder-pads, Raygunism and Newt Gingerich's psychotic hate-babble. We are going to raise the minimum wage, our parents are going to be able to afford their prescriptions, we are going to fund stem-cell research, and....whether some Democrats like it or not..we are going to bring our troops home from Iraq. At least I hope so.

Liberally yours,

Judy